Dear Dad,

It’s a weird concept to think that I can still call you that. Probably because I haven’t used that term in so long. Even though it’s been six years, I can still remember everything. I remember the sound of your voice and the way you say my name. I also remember the way you walked with authority or every little mannerism of yours. But, worst of all, I remember the night you left us when we thought it was a fluke. There was no way you would be leaving us so soon. You were Superman and Superman never dies. All I had to do was find your kryptonite.

But, sadly, the heroes aren’t always the ones who are around in the end. And that’s what we sadly had to realize. But I still remember all of the great things that you got to experience with us before you left us. You were there to remove my training wheels and watch me bike down and back over a hundred times down Grandma and Grandpa’s driveway. You were there for every morning I had to wait for the bus to pick me up. You were there for every special school event, recital, and anything else we found significant. You were there to make sure I obeyed my bedtime and always there for the disciplining.

But over the past six years, there was so much you weren’t there for. You weren’t there when I was 8th grade valedictorian and gave the best graduation speech. You weren’t there for my first day of high school, never there for my first heartbreak to tell me how rotten the boy who I thought I’d one day marry was, never there to lecture my prom date down in the harbor, you missed out when my high school graduation fell on Father’s Day (talk about the happiest/saddest day of my life), and you weren’t there to drop me off at college. But what’s even more sad, is that you won’t be there for the bigger milestones I have up ahead. You won’t walk me down the aisle, my kids will never know their grandpa, and you won’t get to know the woman I’ve become. But I find comfort in knowing that you’re up above watching over us all. You’ve been able to witness some of this even though you’re not physically here. I guess that’s what really gets me through my day-to-day life.

I’ve learned that every Christmas without you and every birthday of yours that you’re not here only gets harder and harder. Sure I can eat all the blueberry muffins on your birthday in memory of you. And, now that I’m 21, I can drink Coor’s light until I forget why I’m celebrating. But it will never change the fact that you’re not here. I’ve grown to watch the people who love me suffer through this too. “Are your parents coming – oh, I mean is your mom coming to the scholarship assembly?” “What are you doing for Father’s D... oh, sorry.” It never got easier.

I’m not trying to make this one-sided. I mean, I’m sure before you left us all you had millions of thoughts running through your head. Kale and I were so young that I’m sure you were worried about what our future would look like. You were probably worried for Mom, too, for having to be so independent. Would we grow up to be insane schizo kids? Would Kale be in and out of jail because he didn’t have a father figure at home? Would I be pregnant with my third kid by the time I was 19 because I had a case of “daddy issues?” Well here’s some things you should know:

1.We turned out fine.

Kale became team captain of the football team, sported your number and position, and even made all area. Pretty good, huh? He’s still deciding on colleges, but he has more offers than you would have imagined. I, on the other hand, started my junior year at Washington State. I’m sure you wanted at least one of the kids to end up there. I never got into sports like you wanted, but I did become a team manager for just about everything which led me to study kinesiology. Kale and I know exactly what we want to do as careers and, if I do say so, we have some pretty good heads on our shoulders.

2.Mom hasn’t dated since you left.

She probably won’t because she has no desire. That doesn’t mean she’s unhappy. It just goes to show you were the love of her life and you’re irreplaceable. She loves you so much and it gives us a great example of what we need to find in a significant other.

3.We finished building the house.


The house looks so much different since you left and it’s the perfect dream home you and Mom wanted. You would love the surround sound we use to watch the Cowboys games. Oh, and the Seahawks are actually really good since you’ve left.

4. We saw all the movies you wanted to see.

“Taken” was actually a really good movie and has a famous line that people use as a mockery. “Slumdog Millionaire” was overrated, but you probably would have liked it. And as for pop culture, Bruce Jenner became Caitlyn Jenner.Oh, and Trump is running for president. I’ll let that one sink in for you.

5.I’m not as perfect as I seem.

I’m not the little angel you always wanted me to be and I made more than enough mistakes throughout high school and college. I have no one to blame but myself but with your tough love and annoying conscientious voice playing in my head, I learned from my mistakes and have become a better person because of it.

6.You were right. You are right. And you’ll always be right.

Kale and I, believe it or not, are actually best friends. All the times we physically fought are over. The bickering is at a minimum and we tell each other just about everything. I learned to cherish my time with family because family really is all that matters. Yes, you can say, “I told you so.”

7.I’m so happy to be your daughter.

Whenever I meet old family friends and say “I’m Allen’s daughter.” A smile spreads across everyone’s face. Followed by a “You look just like him.” It used to bug me, but I guess I actually am appreciative of it. Having your last name was always annoying in grade school. Always at the bottom of the list being the last for everything. I really wouldn’t have it any other way to be honest.

8. I forgive you as I hope you forgive me.

I was a shithead of a daughter growing up. I was the only one of your kids who wasn’t afraid to say what was on my mind and be sassy. And for that, I apologize. And you have had your share of words you’re not proud of and for that, I forgive you in a heartbeat. You’ve taught me that grudges are stupid and shouldn’t ever be a thing. Mom’s still working on that one.

9.I’ll always remember you.

My kids won’t grow up knowing you, but they will grow up knowing about you. Kale will be the one to walk me down the aisle, but I’ve made sure to save a seat for you right next to mom in the front row. And I’ll have a picture of you in my locket I wear. You’ll always be around for every special event.

10. I will always love you.

I’ll never forget the first and especially the last time I said “I love you.” I’ll always remember your last words and I will always look to you in guidance for whenever I need you with me.



If I could change everything I would. If I could turn back time I would. But I can’t. You can’t either. And that’s okay. Knowing you’re always with me makes life a little easier. I can’t wait for the day we get to see each other again. But until then, I love you to the moon and back.

Love,

Cheyenne