Sweet, sweet girl. I know mother's day is supposed to be filled with sweet cards declaring your appreciation and love, shopping trips and starbucks dates and endless showers of love between you and your mother. The rest of the world declares their love year long for how they call their mother endlessly, seek advice, comfort, and love from them. Its like tiny spikes driving into your heart every time. Mother's day is a special exception to that outpour of love, because honestly mothers deserve it. We ARE badass. But as to all stories, there will always be 2 sides. You, my sweet girl, got that side that was never too pretty. Everyone wonders "Why dont you visit your mother? How could you not appreciate her? Do you not love her?" They will never understand. The hurt, the betrayal and manipulation, the constant criticism, the sheer disappointment that comes with having a Narcissistic Mother. They dont see past the mask. The day of love, is filled with hurt, betrayal, shame and anger. You seek a healing not many people understand, and people tend to have an exceptionally hard time accepting that a mother could be so detrimental to her daughter's health and well-being. Well im here to tell you, you are understood. I know the nights you cried not understanding how to win your mother's love, her approval, comfort and advice. Instead you received criticism, hate, fear, distance and jealousy. As you got older the hope that was once in your eyes for a beautiful friendship with your mother has been replaced by trauma bond healing, codependency issues, anxiety, depression, anger and hurt. All of the brutal, haggard pieces that come with being raised by a Narcissistic Mother. You were devalued, judged on your style, your personality, your drive. You were told your dreams weren't good enough, hers were better. Your accomplishments were never celebrated, only stolen and manipulated by her. Behind closed doors you were abused for recieving any form of support, love, encouragement, help or understanding. She did not approve. She never did. She isolated you. You feel worthless now, defeated even, by her and society. Society raves about how much you should value your mother, without turning their heads to the blind side that is Narcissistic Parents and the effects their abuse holds. The front the rest of the world receives is the picture perfect family, but behind those closed doors was a world of hurt and fear. Love did not exist beyond those doors. "Home" was never security, a safe space, it was manipulation, triangulation, scapegoats, golden children, revolving arguments trying to get her to just UNDERSTAND. But she cannot. You see, sweet girl, your mother cannot give you a love she doesnt hold within herself. So on days like today, when it feels like you are isolated, alone, and nobody understands, hear me. You are not alone. You are not misunderstood. You are worthy. Take this space to heal, to thrive, to be better, because she doubted you. Do not become the negative things she said to you, or did to you. Rise above. Let your story be heard. It will make people cringe, it will make them uncomfortable. Do it anyways. Shine light where others dare to not look. Make them see you. You count. Dont let her win. Cry out to the world. She can no longer stop you. She cant hurt you, isolate you or weigh you down. This is your time. Your feeling, your healing, your heart (although fragile and extremely tough) is all worth it. Do not apologize for what was done to you. You did not choose this. But you can survive it, and help others survive it too. Dont allow her to take you down with her, be better. Sweet girl, take this day and celebrate yourself for taking control and learning to reprogram, reparent and reshape your life for the better. You deserve it, your current, and future, children deserve it. You are more than this sad chapter of your life. Let it out, heal, help others and continue on with better chapters.
With all of my love to you,
The daughter of a Narcissistic Mother
