When you’re 21, and your mom remarries, the last thing you think you need is another parent. Having such bad luck with step-parents, I thought this one would just kind of be there; I thought he’d get involved in my life just enough to say that he cares. I definitely wasn’t going to get attached because the moment you do is when the rug gets pulled out from under you. But don’t get me wrong I like this man. He was wonderful to my mom and was good to my siblings and I, but I had no intention of letting someone else call himself my father. Lucky for me, John tried anyway. He gave me great advice about school, buffered many arguments between my mom and I, and was bound and determined to mend the broken pieces of our family. It took me two years to realize the love he has for me is genuine.

My mom and stepdad married in the summer of 2012. I had recently turned 21 and was enjoying going out on the weekends with my friends. I wasn’t getting drunk every night or going home with different random men either, but when I would start to go a little too far, John would always be there to make sure that I wasn’t acting out or trying to cover another issue. When I had failed out of school one semester, John talked me through how to communicate the situation with my mom, and he even helped me figure out a new plan for my schooling. Little did I know that a few months later I’d be following in my mom and his footsteps and diving into the criminal justice world. Whatever I needed, though, John was there.

In May of 2013, I started dating a guy from school. Our relationship got serious pretty fast, and although I thought I was going to marry this guy, John warned me to take things at a slower pace. Naturally as a young adult, I thought I new what was best for me and didn’t listen. My ex moved in with me after a year, and quickly, our relationship began to crumble. Through all of the fights and tears, John was there for me. He wouldn’t always take my side. He would be honest with me when I was overreacting or being unreasonable. He would remind me that communication was the key to fixing any problem. He would suggest ways that my ex and I could grow together. But mostly, he would just listen.

Two years and some change is all that my relationship would last. You win some; you lose some, right? But man, did I think my world was completely over. Finally, one Sunday afternoon, I was tired of crying and staying in bed all day, so I went and sat on the couch with my stepdad and enjoyed my first all day binge of NFL redzone. Sure, there would be moments when the tears would come, but John didn’t say anything. There was no judgment from him. No pity. Just football, chips, and Bud Light…and probably some San Pellegrino too because fizzy water is his thing. Sundays became our day. I wouldn’t make plans, and I’d rush home from church before the announcer had time to say “7 hours of commercial free football.” We’d quote it; we still quote it, and even though we root for two different teams, football is our bond.

I can imagine step-parenting isn’t easy, but when you marry the parent, you also marry the children. John has stepped up to the plate every time. He’s never backed down from a situation and has always treated my siblings and I like we’re just as important as his own kids. It takes a great deal of bravery to open your heart to someone else’s children, and I could never thank John enough for all that he continues to do for our family. So for all the step-parents out there, please, love those kids you chose to be in a family with. Pay attention to them. Encourage them and support them, but mostly, be there for them in whatever capacity their need for you is. You’re not the second rate parent. You are as important to them as you allow yourself to be. Thank you John for being the dad that you didn’t have to be.