Dear Clown,

Happy Halloween! Welcome to the famous Ohio University block party! I hope you have a great time getting wasted with the thousands of people here celebrating.

Athens is a magical place where beer is cheaper than water and blacking out on a Monday is more acceptable than you would think. We are a kind community with lit morals and good vibes; plus, we all share one thought in common: we all hate clowns.

Listen, we’re not hating on your lifestyle, we just want to set the facts straight. Whether you are a fellow bobcat, a townie, someone visiting, etc., you will always be treated with respect in Athens, but if you are dressed as a clown, you will catch these hands.

Your costume is thoughtful, well put together, and pretty relevant to society as of right now and I respect your effort on presentation; however, chasing people with a knife comes off a little aggressive. So just chill, man, I know you’re probably just trying to get lit with the rest of us!

You might have some inner anger because maybe a clown ruined your fifth birthday party or something. Whatever it is, I get it, but you can’t just keep going off like this. Chasing little kids while they’re walking to their school bus is pretty messed up but scaring a bunch of drunk college students can turn into a hot mess real quick; not just for them, but for you.

Furthermore, on behalf of my peers and fellow Bobcats, no apologies will be distributed in the case of you getting your ass beat once spotted.

No, but seriously stay the hell away from me.

All of my love and fear,

One very sketched out Bobcat