The first thing I want to say is I am sorry for the pain you must be feeling. I as well as many other kids understand what you're going through. I was 17 when my parents officially announced their divorce. It was something I had seen in all the shows, movies, and books I read growing up; but it has a different meaning when your own parents go through it. I am now 19, my parents have been divorced for almost two years, and I am going to share what I learned through this experience.
You need to talk about it
This was something so hard for me to do. Not because I was ashamed or embarrassed, but because I was afraid to say "my parents are getting a divorce" for the first time out loud. Some people I told over text, but the people I needed most needed to hear in person. The first person I told aloud, I was petrified. I sat in her office and gathered enough courage to quietly say it. After I told her, it felt like the weight of the world was just taken off of me and this not-so "secret" was officially off of me. She has encouraged and supported me ever since then. After telling her, the same night I told three of my best friends. It was a little easier but still nerve-racking. I told them and the same feeling I had sharing it the first time came back but it was stronger. My friends and mentor all checked in on me, made sure I was okay, spent time with me, and helped me in every stage of this divorce. Telling them and being vulnerable made this overwhelming situation more bearable. The people in our lives are there to help you and support you as well as encourage you. I wouldn't be where I am today without them. Talk to someone you trust; I promise you won't regret it.
Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself
Everyone gets blinded by their own pain and anger and that can really show in a divorce. If my parents had the choice, they would never speak to each other again. Of course that won't happen because they still share one important thing with each other... Me. They put me in the middle and made me deliver messages, call the other one, and bring bills and documents to the other parent because they didn't want to associate with each other. For a while, I let it happen. I was too afraid to say that it wasn't my place to be the deliverer. I didn't want to burden them with talking to each other. But after months passed, I emotionally couldn't do it anymore. I said that I couldn't do it anymore and they needed to actually talk to each other. I shouldn't have anticipated an "okay we will do that". What I got was "we do so much for you, you can do this for us". Classic guilt trip into doing what they don't want to do. I had to keep telling them I wouldn't do it, I would get the disappointed looks or one-liners that sting a little; After a while, they finally understood and stopped asking me to do it as much as they were. They still have their moments but it is so much better than it was. You are the child in an unfortunate situation. Don't be afraid to remind them of that. Your voice and opinion matters too and they need to remember what is best and healthiest for you.It is a long road but it gets better
I know that is the most cliché but time is the biggest healer of divorce. Once you get past the "firsts" with divorced parents like holidays, birthdays, and concerts. I have been through two Thanksgivings with my parents split up and the second Thanksgiving I actually enjoyed it. The first Thanksgiving was the first holiday and felt very uncomfortable. Once that is done, it gets easier and easier every holiday. It took a little over a year before my parents divorce was finalized. It took a long time but I had the best people who walked alongside me and made the walk a little easier. Once you accept what your new normal is at home, it will start to actually feel normal. It just takes time.
