I know I’m young and I know I may not know much, but I’m learning. I learn something new about myself and my surroundings every day. It’s kind of beautiful how life works that way, and that is why they say the older you get the wiser you become. It’s because we experience life, and if it is not anything occurring in our lives at the moment, then it’s helping others get through their tough times.

One thing I’ve learned in the last few weeks is that…being in your twenties is confusing as hell. I’ve seen this with myself and my friends, we are very indecisive and don’t have the mindset or knowledge yet to know what it is exactly that we want and is best for us. My Father always told me that being in your twenties is purely about figuring yourself out, because we are still changing as people everyday.

This time in our lives is entirely about learning, adjusting, and accepting. Learning how to deal with our feelings instead of indulging in a bottle of wine or inhaling a few puffs of marijuana. Adjusting to the idea that sometimes things are not going to turn out the way you hoped for them to. And accepting the reality of it all, for what it is.

In your twenties, the people you meet matter. And like everything else in life, we have to learn to deal with actual relationships, not the one or two year high school or beginning of college ones. I know myself, as well as many others, feel the need to be in a long-term relationship; we feel the need to know exactly who we are with, before the idea of an actual lifetime commitment is even considered. But at the same time, we have to make sure we are not wasting our time with the wrong person. I haven’t associated myself with that part of growing up in a few years. Sometimes I look at my friends with the ones they care about and I genuinely miss having that feeling, but then sometimes, I don’t. Although I have only been in one serious relationship my entire life, seeing my friends struggle through theirs, I feel like I know more about how to be in their own relationships than any of them do. As an outsider looking in, hearing their stories and being the supportive person that I am, more of my friends come to me with their problems than anyone else. I can’t even figure out my own issues in that department but somehow can get everyone else through theirs.

One day I want to find my significant other that I can enjoy spending my time with. Someone that can teach me more about myself that I can grow with, someone that helps me to see the better in situations. I even want the fighting, I want to handle every problem the way my friends don’t. Fighting and arguing is supposed to teach you about each other and teach you how to communicate and grow together. It’s about figuring out the mistakes that we won’t make again in a rational matter; look at it as something benefiting the relationship not demolishing it. But then I hear the insane stories of ridiculously toxic relationships and the only thing I think to myself is, “Thank God, I am not in that relationship.” And it is because of those experiences I have been through for and with my friends, I will know exactly how to handle a situation when my time comes.

I’ve also come to find that in this day and age, dating has become much more difficult. There’s too much unnecessary social media drama, miscommunication via text and other people involved in relationships these days . As much as I am on social media and enjoy being able to say what I need with a quick text, I would drop all of that in a heartbeat to cherish what I have and to be able to express that in person rather than through technology everyday. Or, sometimes people end up back together because of technology when maybe it wasn’t meant to be after the first time around. A quick, “I miss you” or “I love you” late night, drunk text can put you back into a situation where all there will be left anymore is fighting and stress. Without technology, it’s easier to move on than to hold on to painful baggage from the past that will still be brought up in the future, which will then develop into a toxic relationship. No matter how much we want to put the past behind us, a deep scar will still remain in our hearts and in the back of our minds causing trust issues. And with no trust, there is no relationship. When did it become so difficult to just be with someone that makes you forget if you had a bad day? Someone to hold you and tell you that it’s going to be okay… Where did that feeling go? Now I hear about people staying in toxic relationships with the excuse, “When it’s good, it’s really good. When it’s bad, it’s really bad.” When in society did that ever become acceptable?

Or, maybe it didn’t ever become acceptable. When we are supposed to be learning from our mistakes, adjusting to our new reality, and accepting that things will never be the same, we push those coping mechanisms aside and go with what we know and are comfortable with, rather than letting go and realizing what we deserve. Instead, we dig ourselves into a deeper hole. Eventually, it is only going to make it more difficult to get out of, and there might not be anyone else left to help pull you out in the end. Sometimes, it takes people longer than others to realize, but there is a limit to it all. When that realization finally hits, it’s the best damn feeling.

Going back and forth trying to figure out what is best for you is one of the worst feelings, especially when you don’t know what the outcome will be or don’t know if you will later regret it. But sometimes making that final decision is exactly what you need to move forward in life. Learning to communicate what you feel and what is on your mind is one of the most important things to know how to do, because you cannot expect anyone else to read your mind for you. You never want anything to end with, “What if?” or “Should have, would have and could have,”still running through your head. Always speak your mind so that nothing was held back on your end and you got the answers you need to move on. But, who knows, maybe sometimes it will work out in your favor by expressing your feelings before it’s too late. But if it doesn’t and if the feeling of regret does eventually come, just keep reminding yourself that at that moment, it is exactly what you needed and what was the right decision for your heart and mind. If you don’t know how to point out the red flags now, or cut off what relationships already have baggage, I can probably almost guarantee that nothing is going to change from now and in five years; and that is what you will be living with for the rest of your life.

It takes a toll mentally and physically. We go through our own mistakes and suffer our own consequences because that’s the only way we will learn not to let history repeat itself. Although it is easier said than done, being in your twenties is definitely a roller coaster of internal conflict. It is about familiarizing yourself with what will benefit you at the end, figuring out what you want for yourself. Teaching yourself to learn, adjust to and accept reality. Coming out of it strong and going into the next one with confidence. Gaining that mentality takes time, but I have friends younger and older than me whom have either grasped the concept already or haven’t yet. Once you find yourself, the rest is cake.

After my many anxiety attacks, mistakes, regrets and lessons later, I can still say that I can’t wait to see what the next 9 years hold. After seeing what my friends have broken up over and the excuses they made to justify getting back together, I know exactly what I won’t do wrong. This is only the beginning of a very mysterious journey and although I still may not know all the answers to everything yet, I can’t wait to conquer the challenges I face next.