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To The Boy Who Never Told Me He Loved Me

Christine M McSweeney

Oct 31, 2017

Castleton University

780

To The Boy Who Never Told Me He Loved Me

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Dear boy who never told me he loved me,

Things could have been so different.

I wish I had known how you felt last year. I wish I knew that the endless hours spent together were real and that we were not just passing the time. I think about the endless number of times we just sat there, watching YouTube videos and laughing or the long drives listening to music, singing along with every song.

I knew then, that there was something between us.

Was it best friendship or was it something more? That I was unsure of. I wish I had known then that what I felt was something real and I was not making it up in my head.

It could have been my fault for not realizing it. I should have known that the guy who lets you cry on his shoulder and doesn't hate you for the mascara stains is probably into you. The reason I didn't think it was real goes back to the other girls. You always mentioned the other girls that were interested in you. How was I to know that you didn't do the same things with them?

But this was months ago. We have both moved on with our lives and have put distance between us. It was not an easy summer without you. I missed my best friend. I realized that you truly were my best friend and I felt that I lost you as we left our little college in the mountains for the summer.

You were a boy then. You have grown so much since then, we both have.

I respect that immensely. You have become a man and the truth has come out. There was something between us and we both let it slip away. Now, what is left?

This summer put distance between us, but now we are back to our small college where we cannot avoid each other. I'm glad that we reconnected, but I can't help but remember how different it was then. All summer I tried to understand what I did wrong last year. I now know that we really didn't do anything wrong except communicate. We should have expressed how we felt instead of pushing each other away.

I'll admit it. I was mad at you.

I couldn't see pictures of you being happy with someone else. I wanted that to be us. But I also needed to accept that it must not have been meant to be at that moment.

Today, I have my best friend back. It has taken time, tears, and trust, but I can happily say that you are back in my life. We are back to long chats about life, sports, and of course dogs. We are back to normal, or at least as normal as we can be, being the weirdos we are. We have our own lives separate from each other but we will always have our friendship.

I look forward to our long drives, movie marathons, cook-offs, and everything in between. We may not be together, but we are back to being best friends and I have missed that more than anything. Thank you for not giving up on me, even though I hated you for a while. I appreciate you for everything you do for me.

P.S.- Sorry again for the mascara stains

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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To The Boy Who Never Told Me He Loved Me

I knew then, that there was something between us.

You were a boy then. You have grown so much since then, we both have.

I'll admit it. I was mad at you.

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The struggles of having an RBF are all too real

1. People asking if you're mad at them.

2. Those people who hand out flyers don't always try to stop you.

3. Creepy guys telling you to smile.

4. "I thought you were a bitch when I first met you."

5. People telling you you'd be "so much prettier if you smiled."

6. Doing your makeup and looking great, which somehow intensifies the bitch face.

7. Regularly explaining "it's just my face."

We all go through certain stages when we have a crush, Tina just explains it better.

That moment that someone you never looked twice at suddenly makes you do a double take out of no where.

But you can't have a crush, that's outrageous. It's all in your head.

Because you don't have a crush, there's no reason to tell anyone about anything. Right?

But then they do something irresistible and you start to lose it.

Now accepting the fact you have a crush, you have to keep it under control.

Then there's the part where you tell your friends who will claim they called it.

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Your obsession has become so bad, that your Facebook stalking is getting out of control.

But your friends will try and help move things along any way they can. That doesn't mean it will be any helpful though.

As time goes on, you start having fantasies about the two of you and it's starting to scare you a little.

You can't focus on anything because all your attention is on them and everything they do.

Anybody who comes near your crush is now an enemy, and you are willing to fight for your crush.

When you see them, you act like an idiot. Trying to hide your feelings may not be as discrete as you think.

Keeping your feelings inside will start to be harder and harder until you can't keep it inside anymore.

Who knows, maybe it will work out? Take a chance.

Everybody hurts sometimes.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

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1. You feel like an elder.

2. You may feel lonely.

3. Senioritis is more real than ever.

4. You may feel a little down sometimes.

5. Fear of missing out won't be as real.

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7. You'll have more free time.

8. You're happy you're still in school.

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