Thank you.

Thank you for allowing me to finally see exactly how much I'm worth by tearing me down so much that I needed to rebuild myself again -- bottom up. It was because of you that I changed, for the better. It was because of you that I finally realized that I do not need a guy that doesn't need me. And it was because of you and your selfish actions that I now know what I deserve, and it is for sure not you.

What I was trying so desperately for you to realize is that I would've been the girl who would have never walked away from you. I would've been there for you through the good times, the bad and the ugly. I wanted to be there through everything and you clearly don't know this, but I was willing to do just about everything to be that girl for you. I would've done absolutely anything for you. And although you never realized any of this, I fortunately realized that I'm also the girl who doesn't deserve to be walked all over. I'm not your f*cking doormat.

I deserve to be happy, as do you. But I also know that my root of happiness is not you, as it already shouldn't have been. Unfortunately, I lost that concept when I was trying to please you. I gave up my happiness in my desperate attempt to win yours. I was trying to get you to fall for me -- fall in love with me -- when the only thing falling was my standards and my dignity. When you walked away, you didn't just leave empty-handed but I also don't want to say you broke me into a thousand pieces (even though it was something like that), because I'm not that girl and I don't want to boost your ego. Do you know how incredibly difficult it is to wake up, every single day, thinking that today might be the day you might be given a chance? Well, you probably don't, because I'm sure no one has ever broken you down so badly and that is okay. That is more than okay, because, after everything, I still don't want you to ever hurt as badly as you hurt me.

I finally learned that what I once thought was love was so entirely wrong. Love isn't something you have to justify to everyone around you. Love should just happen, without an explanation and without the desire to make it work. Love isn't stagnant. But everything I just said was everything it was with you. And with all of that, I neglected the most important part of love: self-love. I lost myself trying to find you. I forgot about myself in a selfless effort trying to get you to want me; to never forget me. I know now that this isn't how it should be and my god, is it one of the greatest lessons I ever taught myself.

The day I realized that no matter what I did, you would still never fall for me was one of the happiest yet saddest days of my life. I forgot what it was like to be me without the idea of you, and I was finally able to rebuild that again. I'm not going to lie to you; there are still days where I sit and think about what it would be like if you were still here. But then I realize that it was only because of you leaving that I am such a better person, a stronger person.

So again, thank you for never giving me the time of day. I cannot wait to show you via social media how much better I am without you. I also cannot wait to find the guy who gets to see just exactly what I would've done for you. The difference, you ask? He deserves it.

xoxo,
Me