Dear You,

I put you on a pedestal since they day I met you. When people would ask me about you, I would say nothing but great things, because I thought you were the greatest. But, I was wrong.

You kept me behind closed doors. It was like you cared, but not enough for you show ME to those around us.

You know, I have seen love and I have seen loss. I have seen what it is like to be completely in love with someone, and I looked at us, and realized that this was not what it was supposed to be like.

It didn't take me a quick amount of time for me to realize this though. But do you know when I did? When I felt like I was suffocating from all of the hurt you put me through, so much that I felt like I couldn't get out of bed for days.

But the worst part of it all was the fact that it took me a year and then some. So throughout the entire year, I would stick up for you when people told me you were toxic, and I would let you use me and leave whenever you wanted. I thought, "You do the things you do because you feel like you need love," and I wanted to give that to you.

At times I would think you know, "Yes. This is why I like you. You are being so nice, and I feel like you actually do care." I thought seeing this side of you that no one else saw was something special. I felt special.

But, what I tried to deny but inevitably couldn't was that it was not in me to let someone be able to use me over and over again. That your kindness was only a once a few months type of thing. And I stepped back.

You think that you can just call me whenever and that I will be waiting on you hand and foot. You think that I am weak, and that you can belittle me in every possible way you tried to do. You think that I'm "too good," and that I am not testing you enough. That I was too easy to get, and that is when you decided you didn't want me anymore.

But I am not just the foolish girl next door that you just idealize then that's the end to it. I'm a girl who loves with all I have, and at one point, you were the person I gave all of it to.

I am intelligent. I am a person who has opinions and thoughts on so many things, but you just didn't stay long enough to hear them. I am accepting. I accepted your feelings, your thoughts, and your actions.

But those actions over time became unacceptable. And so I accepted that it was time to let go.

So, thank you. What looked like a girl who was so stupidly crazy about someone, was just some girl who gave the love she wanted in return but did not receive. I realized the truth. I realized that you were not worth all the love I gave.

I learned to grow on my own. I learned to put myself first. I learned that self love is absolutely crucial for my emotional health. I learned that my emotions were never yours to mess with, and that I had the power to get over this mess.

I now know the kind of person I deserve, and the kind of maturity I need in a MAN and not a BOY. And that was never going to be you.

From,

Me