I thought it was my fault. I went through every thing I could have possibly done wrong throughout our story, picking apart all of the possible details of every conversation we had. There had to be signs, right? I shouldn’t have been that naïve, to think that you actually felt for me the way I felt for you because you planted flowers in the darkest parts of me. I somehow convinced myself that you loved me.

But that’s the thing. You just didn’t. For so long, I hated myself for that. You were basically perfect in my eyes; you could do no wrong. And you took advantage of the fact that I would have moved the sun, the stars, the earth for you if I could have. I found myself constantly setting fire to myself just to assure that you were warm. I forgot that I matter too. And then I realized. It is not my fault. You cannot make someone love you. Even though your smile made my toes curl, I could not continue to give my everything to someone who barely gave me anything. I mean something too.

So here’s to you. Because before you, I would let people walk all over me just to see them smile. Not anymore. I am strong too. I deserve to be loved, too. I thought that I could change how you felt. As if magically, the lies you told would become real. For so long, I found myself missing those lies. At least in those, you wanted me too. And then I forgave myself and forgave you too. Your rejection hurt and sometimes I still catch myself wondering if maybe what we had was real and you just needed to wake up. That maybe you would save me. But I know overall that it is I who had to wake up. Because you never loved me. And I am better for that. I learned to face obstacles. You never know how much it hurts to give someone your all and not have that returned until it happens to you. And when it happens, it feels as though nothing else matters more. But I am beautiful. You never noticed things in me that I began to notice in myself. I became more comfortable with myself.

You may never have loved me but that doesn’t mean I can’t love myself. How I always sleep in and laugh too hard, too long and get way too excited about little things. It is your fault that you never loved me but thank you because now someone else can. They can appreciate who I am and not fill my head with ideas that hold no truth. And I will let them.

You were an idea I built in my head and you fed that until it no longer suited you. But now I am not feeding the idea either. I’ll make flowers bloom inside myself. It hurt for a long time but not anymore. I deserve better than someone who is iffy about how they feel towards me. I am enough.

So thank you for showing me that

I don’t need you in my fairy tale. I can save myself.