The last thing I want from this is pity. The purpose of this article is to empower This is not for him (he is blocked from everything and may never see it lol). This is for me. This is for anyone who has felt inadequate because of someone's hurtful words or actions.This is for us because we are more.
To the boy to who body-shamed me,
Remember me? One year ago, I walked into Chemistry II and claimed the last available seat on the front row, right beside you. You started with small talk, and after a couple of classes, eventually, you asked for my number. I helped you with our homework; you studied with me in the library. Over a few weeks, I came to think of you as a friend.
You invited me over to your house, to study for our first test. It was then that I quickly realized that studying was never your true intention; it became clear to me that it was time to go. The details are not important, but what is important is the fact that you did not respect me. You did not respect my request to be left alone, so you left me with no choice but make up a lie and leave.
Yes, I did ignore you; I am not sorry for that. For days, I did not respond to your constant text messages. I gave up my front row seat and started sitting in the back of the classroom.
You made me extremely uncomfortable, and I knew I did not want to see you again. After a week of your constant pestering, it was time to inform you that I would not be seeing you again. You were not who you pretended to be, and I asked you to not contact me anymore.
Clearly, you do not handle rejection well at all. I understand that rejection is not an easy pill to swallow, but you should really learn to control that temper of yours. You said the most hurtful things anyone has ever told me in my life. You called me a "stuck up sorority girl," accused me of "leading you on," and lines upon lines of profanity were sent my way. I could handle your petty comments, but you crossed a new boundary altogether when you made comments about the way I looked, even going so far as to blatantly tell me:
"It doesn't matter, you are fat anyway."
You crushed me. I considered you to be my friend, and you broke my trust by not just trying to make unwanted advances against me, but then making comments about my body. I was a mess, not because of you - your pathetic words were not even worth me crying over - but because you just happened to be the straw on the camel's back.
It is important to remember: you never know what people are going through.
At any other point in my life, I could have cared less what someone like you had to say to me. There were things that no one knew I was facing, especially not you. What you did not know was that while you were older, I was still just a freshman trying to figuring out how to balance my course load while dealing with my mental health.But what you did not know was that I was already dealing with so many internal doubts.
You did not knowthat I was already suffering from an eating disorder. You did not know that those same words you told me, I was already telling myself every day, and I continued to for months afterward. You did not know, and that is the problem. You had no idea what I was struggling with, and you said all those horrible things to me.
Fast forward a year later,
Thanks to good friends who were ready to come after you with pitchforks, and lots of learned self-love, I am doing fine. Actually, love, I am thriving. I would be lying if I said I do not still replay your vicious words in my head from time to time, but now when I remember them, I laugh about it.
It is funny that boys like you have egos that big. I know you said what you said because your pride was hurt because you were never taught how to respect women, because you are a coward who could not say it to my face, and because you could not handle a younger girl tell you "no." That does not excuse what you did and said by any means, but nonetheless, you are forgiven; what is done is done.
I hope that you realize how wrong and cruel you were and that you have grown from your mistakes. I pray that you raise your sons to appreciate women for what is beneath their skins and that your daughters never believe that for one second they are worth any less because of how they look.
I hope you treat the other women you come across with much more respect than you treated me with. I hope you overcome your own insecurities because living like a coward is no way to live.
Truly wishing you all the best life has to offer,
Taran Carrasco
the girl you called, "fat"
