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To The Boy I'm Finally Getting Over

I had tried so hard to change things about myself that got on your nerves in order to make you happy, and in the midst of trying to do that, I lost myself completely.

Whitney Nicole Jones

Mar 28, 2016

University of Tennessee at Chattanooga

Hello, it's me.

I want to start this off by saying that as much as I want to hate you, I can't. Yes, I did when things first happened; however, nowadays I am forever thankful for you. You have taught me so much about myself that I would never have learned without you.

You were the guy that came into my life that I never wanted to leave. From the first time we met, I knew I would love you-- and oh boy, did I ever. The beginning of our relationship was something you would read in a Nicholas Sparks book with the random flowers just because and all of the nights we spent together laughing until we cried. I had never loved someone so much until I met you. I never knew I could be that happy until I met you. You were everything I ever dreamed of and more, until suddenly, you weren't anymore.

Out of nowhere, for no reason at all, you stopped looking at me the same way that you used to. You would get annoyed with me doing the same things I used to and made me feel as if I wasn't good enough. Of course, since I loved you and wanted nothing more than to make you as happy as you deserved to be, I stuck by your side and tried to transform myself into someone that you could love again. For months, you made me believe that I was the problem, when in reality, it was you that was the problem.

I didn't change. I was still the same girl you met that likes to sing at the top of her lungs with the windows down and I was still the same girl that cries at least 10 times a day at things ranging from seeing an elderly couple holding hands to a baby puppy on a commercial. I was still the same big-hearted, loving, trustworthy, loyal girlfriend you had always known. However, somehow you made me question myself and you made me feel as if I wasn't good enough for you time and time again.

When we finally broke things off, my self-confidence was utterly demolished. I had tried so hard to change things about myself that got on your nerves in order to make you happy, and in the midst of trying to do that, I lost myself completely. I had to rebuild myself from the ground up, and for that, I thank you.

It's a funny thing when you lose yourself as a consequence of trying to hold onto someone that doesn't want you. This forces you to dig down deep and truly figure out who you are. I found the strength within myself that I didn't know I had. I discovered that who I am is who God made me, and I am beautiful and wonderful just the way I am. You may not appreciate the fact that my heart is 10 times bigger than the average human's, but I do, and one day, someone else will too. You may have gotten annoyed with the funny pictures I sent you to try and brighten your day, or the random texts telling you how much I love you, but one day, someone will love me even more for doing little things to remind them how much I care.

I know now that I am a wonderful, strong, and caring woman, and even though you don't see it, I do. I don't need you or anyone else to notice how great I am because I do and so does God.

So, thank you. Thank you for forcing me to see my self-worth. Thank you for allowing me to find myself. Thank you for showing me that I am stronger than I ever imagined. Thank you for teaching me what I deserve, and to never settle for less than that ever again. And most importantly, thank you for teaching me that I don't need you or anyone else to make me happy.

Sincerely,

The girl you broke

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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