To the boy, I loved before,
I was looking through some old photos from freshman year, and I couldn't help but feel regret. Regret that our friendship couldn't last, and regret that it couldn't amount to anything more.
Is love an overstatement? Maybe. Maybe it was just a strong interest. Perhaps, it was just puppy love. Either way, you were the one that could've happened but didn't.
I remember when I first met you during freshman year. I met you before you met me because I saw you from across the auditorium in PE class, and I was immediately captivated by you.
Of course, this was simply by physical appearance at first because I was too scared to actually talk to you. Thankfully, I got to know who you were as a person when we found ourselves in the same friend group and shared a few classes together.
I was thankful for getting to meet someone like you and for the happiness, you brought into my life, whether it was through your awkward, yet adorable jokes or through your kind-hearted actions.
I miss the days when we were able to talk and message each other without it being weird. I still remember the butterflies I felt in my stomach whenever I saw that a notification came from you.
Especially because I was going to a school where I barely knew anyone, I felt welcomed by you and close to you. Maybe I was able to relate to you because I'm a bit awkward and so are you.
We could've happened, but we didn't. I was naive, and I still am (about love).
I liked you for so long that I felt hopeless and was willing to easily give my love to another. I heard how upset you were when you found out that I had done so. I was so entranced by all the love stories I'd read about or heard about, and I just wanted to love and be loved.
By a certain point, it was too late for our friendship to revert back to the days when we would message each other and send each other funny Snapchats. I remember how much regret I felt during my senior year when I knew that high school would probably be the last that I'd see you.
I wish that I got to tell you how much I liked or even loved you before it was too late.
I'm sorry that the last you ever saw of me was at my lowest and most humiliating moment. I'm sorry that you were there to witness it all. Most of all, I'm sorry that I'm telling you like this instead of in person. I don't even know if you'll read this, but I guess this is just my way to finally find the closure that I desired.
Thank you for showing me a tiny glimpse of what love could look like - even if it was just puppy love. I hope that we can become good friends again sometime in the future.
