Dear You,

How are you? I hope you're well. I hope that you're happy, and that you smile as much as you use to. There are so many things that I want to say to you, but know that I can't. So instead, I'm going to write them here- and hope that you see it.

I hope you know that the decision I made wasn't easy and didn't come lightly. I hope you know that I regretted it the moment I made it, but knew it was too late to turn back. I've had a lot of time to think about the decision to walk away from you, and the more I think about it, the more it seems to hurt. I know It was inevitable. However, it took losing you to realize how happy you truly made me. Now as hard as I try, I can't stop thinking about it.

I think about our times together and ask myself if I'll find someone like you. Someone who makes me laugh the way you do. Someone who makes me smile the way you did when you walked into the room. Someone who kisses the way you did, and holds me the way you would. I think about those times that we stayed up all night- sometimes it felt like we didn't sleep for days but I didn't care. I think about how we use to play checkers. I think about how annoying you were when we watched movies, but I still thought you were cute. I think about all the songs we listened to, and how when they come on the radio, I have to turn them off because it's just not the same anymore. I think about our conversations and how open and honest we were with each other- I told you things I never told anyone, and I still hold on to every detail you told me.

Thinking about those things is hard, because they are things I know that we don't have anymore. I don't get to open my phone and text you like I use to everyday. I don't get to send you "good morning," or "goodnight." I don't get to see you everyday. I don't even get to see you at all. I constantly ask myself if that decision was the right one, and I wonder what would've happened if I just kept my mouth shut.

But I couldn't keep my mouth shut, because I couldn't stop thinking about how badly you hurt me. I think about how I'm sad that I miss you, but that it's your fault that I have to. I think about how many nights I sat there wondering why I wasn't good enough for you. I think about how you took a girl like me for advantage when others would have loved to be in your position. I think about how you set me up for failure as if I was playing Russian roulette and you knew I was going to lose. Then I think about if I could ever forgive you- and even though I want to, I don't see you over here begging for it.

I think about the last text I sent you. I replay what I said over and over and think about the changes I should have made. I was so in the heat of the moment that the words just spilled out, but not how I wanted them to. Don't get me wrong, I was mad- but I wish I could have worded it differently. There are so many times I've opened our thread and wanted to text you, but never brought myself to. I constantly ask myself if I'll ever hear from you again, but figure you must think I don't want to. That's not the case at all.

The truth is that I miss you. Because you weren't just someone I loved- you were my friend. You were someone I told everything to. Someone I joked with. Someone that I could always count on to make me smile when I had a bad day. When something happened, you were who I wanted to tell. I would've done anything for you. But you losing me is your loss, never mine.

All in all, I wish you knew a lot of things. I wish you knew that I don't hate you like you probably think I do. You really hurt me, but we both made mistakes. I wish you would correct yours. I wish you knew that I am happy now, but that I still wish you were in my life. I wish you knew that you still mean a lot to me, and that won't change no matter if we're friends or not. But more importantly, I wish you knew that I just want the best for you. And as much as I want that to be me, I know that it's not. What we had was special, but I've accepted that it just wasn't our time.

I hope you know that I'll look out for you and I'll always be rooting for you. I hope you know that I'll always be silently supporting you in whatever you do in life. I hope you know that I only want you to be happy, and that I hope you are. I hope that when you remember me, you don't remember how things ended. I hope you remember how I use to make you laugh. I hope you remember the way I held you when you fell asleep on me. I hope you remember the car rides and us jamming out to any country song we could find. I hope you just remember me- because I know I won't forget you. I hope you read this and realize I'm sorry that you didn't see what you had in front of you, and that you know it's hard for me to keep you away when all I want is to talk to you. But know that I'm always here, no matter what.

Sincerely,

Taylor.