Many of us are lucky to have found "that boy." That boy that treats us like pure gold, kisses our feet, makes us feel beautiful every single day, and sends our hearts up to hyper speed. That one boy that can stop earths orbit with just one look. That one boy that brings out the best and the worst. Maybe, you met him while in high school at a basketball game shaking your pom poms from the sideline or maybe you found him your second semester of college in the back corner of the campus library or maybe you have known him your entire life. Maybe you all dated for five years or maybe you never "dated" at all. Maybe, he mocks your squeaky voice, chuckles when you snort, knows all of your ticklish spots, and ignores your craziness on the daily. Maybe, you were smart and held him close and gave him your whole heart or maybe you are like the greater percentage of us and you are insane in the membrane or you are just super indecisive, either way, you missed out big time by letting him go. The sad truth of the matter is that "one boy" may not be "the one" waiting at the altar some day.
This is an open letter to that one boy, now I'm sure you all have "your boy" in mind. I debated on this writing for quite some time and with faith in my heart and God on my mind I string together words and form sentences to possibly help, not only others, but myself.
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Dear You,
We met unexpectedly on an evening that feels like a million and one years ago. I had absolutely no intention of forming a relationship and to be honest I had no idea I would be with you for that brief moment in time, but boy am I happy fate had other things in mind. The wind brushed through my hair, music blasted from the speakers, laughter filled the air, and the feeling was unforgettable. The days that followed have gifted me with memories that I will cherish for years to come. Memories that both fill me with overflowing joy and heart wrenching sadness. So, for this, and much more, I thank you.
Thank you for all of the good times, along with the bad. Thanks for holding my hand in the dark, chasing me around the pool, and even laughing at my sunburn. Thank you for making fun of me, but disliking anyone else that does. Thanks for liking my rambunctious and over dramatic family. Thank you for laughing at my Dads embarrassing jokes and listening to my Mom talk for days. Thank you for allowing me to get to know your siblings because I love them oh so much. Thanks for putting me in my place, enduring my winey sleepy mood, and feeding me way too much. Thank you for both ignoring and loving the fact that I'm a brat. Thank you for challenging me, reminding me I'm intelligent, and actually laughing at my corny jokes. Thank you for coming back, even when I don't deserve that because I have to admit that I am not always right. Thanks for being you.
I owe you an apology and an explanation. I have worked up the courage way more than once to say all of this in person, face to face, but we both know that even when I like to pretend I'm tough, I'm huge baby. I'm sorry that I yelled or pulled away from you, but I was only scared of something serious and honest. I'm sorry that I walked away, more than once, but as we both know, I am literally the most indecisive person of all time in the history of ever, just think of all the nights I was the one choosing where we were eating dinner or the amount of life I've wasted observing the menu. I'm sorry for all of the hurt feelings, silly arguments, constant complaints, and ridiculous lies. I am sorry that I had the image of a perfect relationship full of rainbows and unicorns. I have watched my sisters fall in love with two amazing men that have set the bar extremely high. I have grown up with parents that are a prime example of true and everlasting love. I have no excuse, but neither do you.
You have hurt me, both mentally and emotionally. I have cried and screamed and griped because of you. You have accused me and lied to me. You have cursed me, left me, and forgotten me. You have picked fights, but so have I. Though we are both wrong, on so many levels, I want to take the blame here. I will accept full responsibility for my actions just as you have many times. I will admit that I have done you wrong just as you have for me.
I leave you with this, because I could never possible write every feeling and emotion running through my muddled mind in this moment, should we move forward and forget all of our time together or should we continue to wait for one of us to stop being stubborn and call? We both know how this game goes, one of us is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Recently, I read a piece about never igniting with an old flame after a break up, neither harsh nor civil. My thought would be this, people change every day, every hour, and every minute, so how can we simply ignore their exsistance? How can we forget a major portion of our lives? How can we pretend that someone special never cared for us? Though forgetting and forgiveness is never easy this is expected from not only others involved, but most importantly, God. I have zero idea of what is to come in our future, neither together nor separate, but I forgive you, I'll always care, and I'll never forget.
I write this in hopes that my audience can relate on some level. That someone out there can share my words to someone that they may be afraid to face. I write this in hopes that my words will reach him and to remind each of you that relationships are not easy and we should own our mistakes, always.
