Our whole lives we're told to love the image that looks back at us in the mirror, as humans we're told that our flaws make us, well, us. That every imperfection and everything we're supposed to hate about ourselves makes us beautiful in our own way. We were told to love those things; we were told to look at ourselves the way God made us and be OK with it. We're told at a very young age that we're our own kind of beautiful. But what if the idea of a mirror strikes fear into our heart? What if the idea of looking at your own reflection for longer than five seconds gives you paralyzing anxiety? What if the mirror version of yourself in the mirror makes you physically ill? We're told to look in the mirror and to love ourselves, but what if we can't? We were never taught what to do if we look in that mirror, and we don't love ourselves, so we end up being lost, we end up being scared and sad, and we're left there hopeless, covering up the mirror with tarp, covering up our hearts with a shield and covering our tears with a mask. When we were little, why didn't people try to explain to us what happens when we don't love ourselves? Why did no one tell us? Why did no one teach us?
Feeling lost, feeling confused with yourself is unbearable. The feeling of being hopeless and feeling disgusted with yourself should be a feeling no one feels, so then why do so many of us go to sleep longing to be OK with who we really are? Loving someone who doesn't love themselves isn't rare anymore. We all find ourselves longing to be loved, if we love ourselves or not. We are taught the simple phrase, "How can you expect someone to love you, if you can't love yourself?" But what if that's all it takes, someone to believe in you, someone to cherish you, someone to make you feel strong and independent, someone to always be there telling you to stand up, take charge and smile. What if it takes that to really see how beautiful we really are? Why are we taught that that's a bad thing? It can be anyone. It can be a mother, a father, a brother, a sister, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, anyone. Someone to just be there to remind you how wonderful and how pure you really are.
People who don't love themselves, aren't looking for sympathy, we really aren't looking for any sort of attention. We are having a battle within ourselves, within our heart and our mind and our soul. Some of us look for validation, while others are just looking for themselves.
What if having someone there to remind us to brush off the dirt, and to take away the tarp from the mirror could, perhaps, unravel a layer of us one at a time, to reveal to ourselves our real beauty. I might be the first person to say this out loud, but what if it's OK at some point in our lives to not love ourselves? What if it's OK?
Everyone in a stage in their lives feel lost, unlovable, untamed, alone. What if it's just another stage in life to help make us stronger?
I didn't love myself. Every time I looked in a mirror, I couldn't breathe, I'd fall to the ground disgusted. I was lost, and I compared myself to every single person who walked past me in the hallway, on the street, everywhere. I wanted her legs, his smile, my mom's arms, my brother's brains, my boyfriend's confidence. I wanted to be everyone but myself, and now from the outside looking in, I'm here to say, it's OK not to be OK with ourselves; it's OK to not love who we see. Because one day, we will; one day it will all make sense, I promise. We all need to find ourselves; we all need to accept ourselves. It might take a little longer, and it might be a little harder for some of us. But one day, one way some how, you'll love yourself again. It's the people you surround yourself with; it's the attitude you present yourself with; it's asking yourself, "Are you going to view today as bad or good? Are you going to look in that mirror and stay disgusted, or do something to change it?"
I promise you, it's OK to not love yourself, but I also promise you, one day you will fall madly in love with the person God designed.