Dear loved one,

I can't deny that winter feels so much colder now without your smile here to warm me up. My ears yearn to hear the sound of your laugh just one more time as you tell the same joke over and over again at the dinner table. I wish I could still hear you go on about the war and how different things were when you were growing up.

Things haven't changed that much around here, in case you were wondering. College is going great for me this semester. The weather is still cold and damp, but we haven't seen any snow yet. My mom doesn't talk about you all that much anymore, but we all have our own way of keeping your memory alive.

I can't look at Christmas lights anymore without wondering if you're standing there next to me to appreciate the beauty. Do they have Christmas lights where you are? Do they have all of your favorite food for you to finally enjoy? Do they play your favorite songs to celebrate this time of year? We play Christmas music loud and proud throughout the house every day. I hope you can hear it wherever you are.

Sometimes, if I try hard enough, I can still remember the smell of your kitchen from when we baked peanut butter cookies together for the first time. As your favorite holiday draws nearer, and I'm reminded of the year anniversary of your passing, these are the kind of memories I try to hold onto. I try to remember the smell of your kitchen, the way your stool felt under my feet when I wanted to be your sous chef and even the smell of your cologne on your shirt when you'd wrap me up in a bear hug.

It's these memories that tell me you never really left.

People always say your first Christmas after losing a loved one is the hardest, but I can already say Christmas will never be the same without you.