I admit to not being my same self that I once was back in high school. I hope that none of us remained the same. "You've changed." Well, as we get older and hopefully wiser, we do change to make way for the next phase of our lives. Change is good as long as you never lose sight of who you are.
I got "Most Laid Back" for senior superlatives in high school; I like to think I've still kept that over the last six-ish years, but as for other parts of myself when I was younger, I could've used some help.
I remember when I first started high school I was starved to make sure I fit in. Clothes, purses, shoes-- whatever it was. I remember my first day of ninth grade, I wore skate shoes, jeans and a Element t-shirt, and that would be one of the last times you'd see me wearing that. Note to that younger self: Don't ever wear crap you hated/didn't feel comfortable in, being that you were at school for eight hours, just to appease your peers. Going through my closet last night, I realized I own t-shirts and t-shirt dresses, and my favorite shoes are a pair of faded vans with a hole where my big toe is. I imagine if I wore that in high school, I would've sent myself home. Another note to self: All those Dooney & Burke purses you HAD to have; their lifespan won't last past senior year.
High school went on and of course, I had boyfriends. I don't know if it was because they were among the first relationships of my life or what, but I will admit I was crazy. The whole "why didn't you text me back" was real, and so was "I'll act like I didn't see you in the hallway this morning because I saw you talking to so n so" was, too. Let's blame all that on the hormones. Note to younger self: You will not marry or continue a serious relationship WITH ANY of these boys. Act casual. Whatever, as time went on, I'll admit that I had NO idea what I wanted; I don't think a relationship was even close, but I pressed on. Note to self: Relationships are overrated until you can figure out what the hell it is you want. (THIS IS STILL TRUE, 23 YEAR OLD SELF)
I was pretty good with grades in high school, but I did my usual, lazy stunts here and there, like half-assing assignments because of procrastination and priorities being out of line. Honor Society was not motivation to not do said half-assing. Note to younger self: High school is the time to have no life, so get your study act together, because college is no easier by any means. No more sliding through classes by the skin of your teeth and pulling A's.
Okay, let's move on to college freshman year. Still hanging on to old high school relationships meant while they were STILL in high school and I was two hours away. Smart move, especially when I was still struggling with what the hell I wanted. Note to younger self: Mental breakdowns over a petty relationship: NOT NECESSARY. Neither is getting black out drunk and vomiting in the floor of the Loockerman bathroom. Move on.
I struggled with anxiety and depression all through out college, and that was a entirely different self. Note to that self: This too will pass. Happier days ahead.
To my unhealthy self in college who once bought canned fruit thinking that was healthy: ITS NOT. Note to younger self: Real fruits and vegetables, Kirsten, because you will be 20 pounds heavier and not loving it.
If there's one thing I could tell my Freshman/Sophmore year of college self, it would be: GO TO CLASS and not to a kegger at the boy's lacrosse house on a Tuesday night before an exam. Of course, I learned that my senior year, when I was behind two semesters in Organic Chemistry. This is stuff you can not pull out of nowhere, and if you think I'm joking, student loans. Oh, and pass calculus the FIRST time.
FOMO still burns inside of me at 23 years old, but I'm trying really hard to kick that.
But like I said, I still am very much laid back and deep down the same person I've always been, with just a tad more of a IDGAF attitude. What you see is what you get, and if you don't like it, keep on steppin'. I've always had my good work ethic; I just wish I would have applied it a little more in college. Bless the friends I've made along the way for teaching me so much about life and being there for me. Another note to younger self: Cherish the moments you have with your REAL friends, of which you'll figure out who they are because when you're 23 and miles away from each other, you'll be begging for those days back.
I still think of my younger, more hardcore party self, staying out till four in the morning. I've grown out of that, for sure. I can barely make it past midnight anymore. So, to my younger self: Good for you for living it up.
A note to my 40 year old self: I hope that I am still somewhat the same. Still listening to gangsta rap and having a vodka seltzer every now in then. Hopefully, I'll fully have it together by then, with a 401k and maybe like a nice car or something.