On a brisk October morning in 2015 my son Landon finally came crying into the world. Until you’re there in that hospital room in the presence of the birth of your child it’s difficult to conceive of the combination of joy and anxiety that percolates your mind in a moment like this. You wonder how you’ll survive the sleepless nights and who they’ll be when they grow up. I found myself shuddering at the concept of having to learn how to give potty training.
Something that didn’t come to mind was wondering how I’ll explain to my son why society will treat him differently. Dinner table talks about shifty looks, purses pulled closer to the side of a passer by, or the sound of car doors locking as he crosses a vehicle’s path simply won’t happen in our family. These talks will not happen simply by accident of my son’s birth. Both his mother and his father are Caucasian.
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By virtue of my son’s skin color there are numerous issues he will not have to face. When he ends up driving he will not have to fear being killed as a result of what should’ve been a routine traffic stop. He won’t have to worry about his “white” name being scrutinized on job applications. Landon won’t have to be acutely aware of how his race plays into some of the most mundane, everyday situations.
What we have begun with our 8-year old daughter we will continue with Landon. He will learn to treat others with respect and dignity while at the same time not being “colorblind.” As he grows older we will ensure that he does not ignore what’s going on in the lives of others. From our vantage point it’s impossible to understand on a deeply personal level, but we will instill in him enough empathy to want to try. He will recognize the problem with “All Lives Matter” and understand why it is that Colin Kaepernick feels the need to kneel during the National Anthem.
Landon was born with an unfortunate societal advantage which should not exist, but in recognizing this advantage it is possible to not side with oppression. Through the right upbringing he can be a part of the solution, whether a small or large part. Perhaps he won’t end up in a position where he may bring deep societal change, but part of forward progress is the pressure of opinion on those who make decisions for society. Removing societal barriers takes time and setbacks are all too much part of the reality of civil rights but barriers can be overcome with the right amount of passion. Hearts and minds can be changed.
When we take the time to listen to one another and understand how our experiences compare and contrast, progress can be made. As parents we have the ability to instill a sense of cultural understanding in our kids. When we teach our kids to recognize the privileges they have we can help avoid them falling into the trap of thinking systems of oppression do not exist in our country. With enough love and empathy on a massive scale it isn’t impossible to reshape our society into one which benefits all of us.
