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To All The Tinder Boys I've Loved Before, You Were The Lessons I Never Knew I Needed

I'm still hung up on Lover #4.

Autumn Childers

Aug 25, 2019

Arizona State University

To All The Tinder Boys I've Loved Before, You Were The Lessons I Never Knew I Needed

Daria Shevtsova from Pexels

Dear Love #1,

You were the greatest lesson I learned after coming out of a three-year relationship. You knew I was in a vulnerable state and knew I would be the perfect one to take advantage of for all of your emotional needs. That's OK now. I am glad you were able to benefit from whatever that was. I was kind of bored by your biotechnology talk anyway.

Dear Love #2,

I honestly miss having you around. You were such a great friend and so relatable. I am glad that you have found someone that makes you happy. You went through a lot, and I highly respect how your goal in life is just to make everyone happier. You deserve the best.

Dear Love #3,

I was so in love with how intelligent you are. You're in grad school, you have a place, and your maturity amazed me. We liked the same kind of music, had similar goals (I think), and enjoyed each other's company. I enjoyed your company, at least. I thought you were the right one for me, and I still feel like you could be, but we are at two different points in our lives. We both have flaws we need to fix, and that is OK. I am excited to see where all of your accomplishments will one day bring you, and I will always be one of your cheerleaders.

Dear Love #4,

I am still in love with you, and it sucks. I don't know why I'm being dumb enough to stick around. Every time I try to leave though, you beg me in some sort of capacity to stay. I blame it on myself, but honestly, it is kind of selfish of you. You're amazing, you have your life together, and you are achieving all of your dreams. I want to share that with you, but if doing that in friendship rather than a relationship benefits you more, then I guess I will do that... for you.

Dear Love #5,

You are the sweetest man I have met in years. You are always checking in on me and encouraging me to accomplish my goals. You are the most selfless person, always wanting to give. I feel like I only give you 30% compared to what you give me, which is horrible. It's because I am so hung up on Love #4. I am so sorry I have been putting you through this. Thank you for being such an amazing person in my life.

With love,

Autumn

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To All The Tinder Boys I've Loved Before, You Were The Lessons I Never Knew I Needed

I'm still hung up on Lover #4.

In This Article:

Dear Love #1,

Dear Love #2,

Dear Love #3,

Dear Love #4,

Dear Love #5,

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It's not all morning coffees and singing along to the radio.

You can't just go to your room to take a nap in the middle of your classes.

Having to spend all your extra cash on gas for your car.

Speaking of money, you probably don't have a meal plan so you're forced to scrounge up some change or mooch off of your friends.

It can be harder to maintain the friendships you make with people from class.

Finding a parking spot.

It can be harder to be involved on campus because between your one, two, or three jobs and school you don't have much free time.

When you try to be super involved on campus, it can kill your sleep schedule.

It's impossible to do homework at home, but staying on campus isn't an option sometimes.

There are surveys and events that you can't participate in because you're a commuter.

Group projects are the bane of your existence.

Traffic.

Your backpack rivals that of a survivalist trekking in the woods.

Driving all the way to campus to find a note on the door of your classroom saying class was cancelled.

Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

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