Over the years, many people have come and gone from my life. Some came for good reasons; others not so much. Some left for bad reasons and taught me lessons. Others stayed by my side even on my hardest days. While I can credit many people for saving my life, there's one in particular who will never admit it, but she truly saved my life.

Dear Maggie,

A year and a half ago, you had the joy of meeting me. My psychiatrist recommended a DBT program and my parents jumped at another opportunity to try and help me. Despite my protests, the decision was made for me. With my mom, sister, and neighbor in tow, I was dragged to McLean. I was furious at my mom for lying to me about where we were going, so I used an old tactic: the silent treatment (I think you can attest that I'm great at it). For the next hour, you asked questions about school, my family history, and honestly I don't remember what else. Maybe that was because I was too busy daydreaming instead of listening and let my mom answer for me.

The next meeting it was just me and you. This time I couldn't use the silent treatment. Instead I resorted to just being a b***h. I'm sure you loved my sassy responses and eye rolls with my arms crossed over my chest. To say I was less than thrilled to meet you was an understatement. You were so upbeat and happy--still are--and I wasn't. On our fourth meeting, something within me told me to sign the papers to join the program. I knew it would make everyone happy and I wanted a new therapist anyways. The only thing I remember asking you before signing the paper was if I'd be done by my birthday.

From there we started the weekly uphill battle. You saw the pain I hid behind my sarcasm and laughter. You recognized that when I cried, I was in excruciating pain. I was hesitant in our hour sessions, quiet in our hour family sessions, and most definitely quiet in the two hours of group I had. Even if I knew the answer, I still wasn't going to answer and I certainly wasn't going to volunteer to read in group. But you stuck by my side, and brick by brick, broke down my hard exterior. You forced me to face the depression and anxiety head on. If my anxiety, depression, self harm urges or suicidal thoughts were too high one day, you forced me to do those stupid chains. We literally broke down those moments and wrote down my thoughts, emotions, actions and the intensity or the urges. After six years of never breaking down those times, I was forced to dig deep and understand what happened in those moments.

You never listened to any of my BS and pushed me harder than anyone I've ever met. You understood me and listened to me. I couldn't just say "I don't know." That was never an answer you accepted. I had to fight, fight like hell to work through everything. You helped me recognize my flaws and mistakes. You never told me my feelings were wrong. You worked with me instead of against me. You were always there, every step of the way. You may not have answered every call or text right away, but I knew you were always there.

So thank you for caring. Thank you for never giving up on me no matter how difficult I can be. Thank you for pushing me when I wanted to give up. Thank you for seeing me and seeing through the depression. You made me the strong woman I am today and I honestly don’t think I’d be alive if I hadn’t met you. I was a mess back then and so broken. But you never fragilized me. You always told me the painful truth, even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear. You taught me that I am worth it and that depression doesn't define me. You taught me that I can't be dependent on you and have to fight some battles myself.

No amount of words will ever help me express how thankful I am for you and your support. You gave me back my life. I'll be forever grateful you came into my life. Thank you for everything.

Love always,

Me