“Having someone and losing them is so much cruller than never having them in the first place.”

~Victoria Schwab

Everyone has that one memory that will be etched in their brain forever. Whether it be harrowing, or joyous, it will never escape your mind. Mine, you ask? Simple. I remember it as if it just happened. October 8^th, 2015. Being an 18-year-old girl, life is already puzzling enough. Between trying to figure out what you want to pursue for the rest of your life, and attempting to figure out what your sole purpose is in this crazy world, it did not help when the most important person in my life was gone in the blink of an eye. So, my question here is: how? How can you take the only person who understood me better than I understood myself away from me? How could you not give me the chance to say goodbye? I thought I would never comprehend these questions. For the first time in my life, I am happy to say that I was mistaken.

My grandfather was easily the fiercest person I have ever met. He took chances, he showed bravery in every aspect of his life, and if someone told him he couldn’t do something, he’d laugh and say, “Watch me”. He showed a copious amount of love to his wife, children, and grandchildren & he always knew how to bring family together (especially if him and my grandmother were cooking).

When I heard my phone ring on October 8^th, 2015, I knew my life would never be the same. I knew what that “Earth-shattering” feeling felt like. I knew he would never be on the other side of the table watching me blow the candles out on my birthday cake. I knew he would never be sitting at the head of the table during a family dinner. When I started realizing these things, I knew that I would never be the same. My question here is: why? Why did my family and I have to go through this pain? If miracles happen everyday, then why couldn't it happen to him?

I was taught countless life lessons that I did not grasp right away. Now, almost 3 years later, it is well-defined.

Lesson #1: “Don’t half-ass a million things, whole-ass one thing, and do the best you can.”

Lesson #2: “Family is the most important thing in life. They will always have your back.”

Lesson #3: “Never let someone tell you that you can’t do something; and if they do, prove them wrong.”

Lesson #4:” Don’t forget how to laugh, how to live, and how to work.”

I no longer grieve about the fact that my grandfather is not here anymore. I had eighteen irreplaceable years with him. I grieve for the people that do not know the love of a grandfather. To my younger cousins, do not be afraid to ask about him. Look closely at your father and his brothers. They are comparable to him in more ways than one.

When someone passes away, the first thing someone says to you is, "Sorry for your loss". When you lose your iPhone, you can easily access the app Find My iPhone. The last time I checked the app store, there was not an app that says Find My Apa.

There are some questions that are not meant for you to know the answer to. There are things that you are not meant to understand. I do not question anymore. Over thinking can take possession of your mind, and you will never discover the door to escape. Instead of asking questions and thinking, I simply say thank you.

Thank you for watching Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs with me over a million times. Thank you for making me laugh, and for always cooking my favorite meal. Thank you for teaching me that life can be unclear, challenging, but also beautiful. Most importantly, thank you for teaching me that I did not lose someone I love; I had the honor of being loved and taught by you.