I don't even know where to begin with this or even how to address you, honestly.

Hi,

Yeah, that works. I guess I'll go with hi. While I'm sitting here writing this I kind of wish I could've filmed it instead, like a little video,I feel that would be more fun to watch and you'd get a better feel for my wonderful sense of humor that's trying to come through. But, unfortunately for you guys I don't make videos, so you get this instead. Right now it feels weird to be thinking about my future kids because I'm still a kid, but this article is due in a couple hours and this is the first idea that came into my mind so we're just going to roll with it. I'm really struggling to think of things to talk about in this because imagining myself as a mom is such a weird feeling.

First off, I guess I just want to ask how you're doing? Is that a weird question to ask, I'm not sure. I hope future-more-mature me knows how to take care of another human because right now I don't think I'm even capable of taking care of a goldfish. I also really hope you don't hate me, that wouldn't be cool considering the fact you're stuck with me for the rest of your life. Growing up my mom always told me "I brought you into this world and I'll take you right out." And you betcha I'm going to use that line on you, so behave I don't want gray hair.

I also want you to know that you can come to me for stuff, you know considering I was once a kid. I have stories, probably ones you won't ever hear. When these stories are in the making something along the lines of "I can't wait to tell my grandchildren this" is usually said, which is why you can't hear the stories and have to wait another twenty years to hear them. The point of this was to let you know that I once too experienced life and probably know how to help you through whatever it is you're going through.

I also think now is an appropriate time to apologize, but not really. This is kind of my sorry, not sorry to you. If you haven't noticed yet I'm definitely that mom who gets way too into watching sporting events and might even yell at a referee or two. I know that you're just elementary/middle school aged kids playing sports and "winning isn't everything" but momma didn't raise no benchwarmer. Momma also didn't raise no quitter, which means you basically have to end up playing professionally or go to the Olympics, there are no other options.

Now I'm starting wonder how you even found this? Did I show it to you? Are my Odyssey articles still online anymore? Is the internet still relevant? If I didn't show it to you then what else of mine have found? Please tell me you found my Twitter or my Instagram, ya girl works hard to keep that theme looking nice. Actually just kidding, my Instagram doesn't have a theme.

Just a heads up for you, if you ever want a dog and I refuse to buy you one, show me that you found this article and I owe you a dog. I love dogs, kids love dogs, everyone loves dogs. Trust me, the family won't be complete until you get that dog.

Xoxo,

Gossip Girl

Just kidding, just kidding,

Mom (that is so weird to type out.)

But really, please tell me that you've seen Gossip Girl or I may have to temporarily disown you.