To my furry friend in heaven,

I can't believe you're gone. After all of our years together, it's hard for me to remember a time that you weren't here. Everything happened so fast and I just wish I could go back in time and do something sooner so maybe you'd still be with us.

When we saw you were sick and found out from the vet that it didn't look like you'd get better, it was so hard. Everything happened so fast. I knew something was wrong but I figured they'd be able to fix you, to make you better, and you'd be back to your old self. I cried so much; I think I'm doing all right now in part because it just doesn't seem real. I keep thinking you're just taking one of your famous siestas in one of your hiding places and that you're going to push my door open and stroll into my room any time now. I wish more than anything that was true.

I've been very lucky in my life so far that I haven't had to deal with much loss (knock on wood, of course) and really haven't had to say goodbye to someone I'm so close to, someone who was a part of my every day for years. Was. It hurts that from here on out we'll only talk about you in the tense.

We're all having a tough time, even the other pets. They don't really know what's happened, but they know that something's wrong, that something's different. Sissy will miss having someone to boss around, even though you were bigger and older than her. Though I tried to break up your fights (to no avail), I'll miss hearing you two hiss and chase each other as you always did. Your puppy brother isn't the most observant little guy, but he'll of course notice that you won't be around to swat at him anything, something we always scolded you for, but Dad always insisted was just your way of playing (though, that was just his way of defending you).

We've had to say goodbye to other animals before, but something about saying goodbye to you seems to hurt extra hard. Maybe it is because it was so sudden, maybe because you've been such a constant figure in all of our lives for so long, unlike some of the others who, while also dearly loved, joined the family before us kids did, weren't around as long, or passed when we were younger. Passed. I truly can't believe I'm writing this about you!

It's hard to say what I'll miss most. I don't think it'll just be one thing, it'll be a lot of things that, added up, made you, you, and made you special. I'll miss snuggling with you of course, you were the best snuggler. I loved when you'd sleep with me in bed, whether you settled by my head to the right or the left or somewhere down by my feet. Once you picked a spot to sleep, you were locked in for hours! I'll even miss when I had to position myself in an awkward or uncomfortable way, because you were taking up a lot of room or were in my spot but I, as always, couldn't bear to make you move. I'll miss making up stories with Dad about what you were like in your past life; a distinguished physics professor, English nobility and more. I'll miss being an obnoxious paparazzi, always snapping picture of you because you were so darn photogenic. I'll miss getting pictures from mom and dad while I was away at school missing them and missing you fur babies just as much. I'll miss watching TV with you (I'm sad we didn't get to enjoy Downton Abbey--a favorite of both of us--together, but I'm glad you got to finish Series 6). I'll miss petting you, even though you shed like it was going out of style. I'll miss your smell and how I always used to joke that I couldn't tell if you smelled like our basement or our basement smelled like you. I'll miss smothering you with kisses even when you didn't want them. I'll miss all of this and so much more.

You were there when I laughed, when I cried, when I was angry, when I needed someone to listen, when I needed a good snuggle, or when I just wanted a little company. I loved you so, so much and even though you always liked to play it cool, I know you loved me too. I'm trying to take solace in knowing that you had a good life and were always loved by all of us as a true member of the family. It may be selfish, but it's hard for me to think that you're in a better place now because I can't think of any better place for you to be than right here with us.

People will probably think that I'm overreacting, that you were just a cat, that we can get a new one, that there are a lot more important things happening in the world than just losing a pet. But they are wrong. First of all, there could never be another you. People who say that animals are just animals clearly never met one with as much personality as you! You were truly a part of our family, my little brother, and losing a beloved pet can hurt like losing a beloved family member. In no way would I want to downplay the pain caused by losing a human loved one, but I wouldn't want to undercut just how much losing a furry family member hurts, either. To say that I'm anything less than devastated would be a gross understatement. It's important for me to acknowledge and accept that I'm very sad and that my feelings are valid. I'm hurting, and I'm going to continue hurting for a while.

Our furry friends are so good to us--probably better than we all deserve. As silly as it sounds to some, you were truly one of my best friends and I loved--I love--you very much. Although I know, with time, I'll begin to heal and I'll undoubtedly love other pets throughout my lifetime, I will miss you forever, and our bond will be unique from any other I come to form.

Though I've referenced saying "goodbye" I'll never really say goodbye to you. Instead, I'll say see ya later. As much as I wish I could change it, you've crossed that rainbow bridge to heaven and we're going to be apart for a while, probably for a long time. That makes me very sad but I know you're happy now, taking naps and eating all the leftover cereal milk and eating all the tuna your heart could desire. I have years of memories to get me by and so long as I keep you in my heart and in my thoughts (which we both know I always have, and always will) a part of you will still be with me. I know we'll meet again one day and we'll share endless cuddles together forever.

With love, snuggles and kisses,

Your Human Friend.

In loving memory of Jeffrey Scooter "Big Boy" Diggs (2005-2016)