As the time approaches, my palms are sweating, my heart beating faster and faster, I feel my breaths getting shorter and shorter. I ask one more time,
"Are you guys sure?"
My friends laughing it off reassure me, "Yes, we are sure we want to hang out with you."
Growing up, I didn't even realize that I had anxiety. I thought everyone felt this way about everything. Boy, was I wrong. Anxiety can be different for each individual who has it; however, my friends know that I constantly need reassurance that I am not being a nuisance. I ask absurd questions one might never think of, but for some reason that question is occupying my every worry. I am constantly worried that I may have done something wrong, even when we aren't doing anything significant. There are so many other things that I do because of my anxiety, yet my friends have still stuck by my side. It's time that they knew how thankful I am to have them in my life. They need to know how special they are. So,
Dear Friend,
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. No matter how many times I type it, it will never sum up to how much I mean it.
Thank you for having patience.
You deal with my worry and self consciousness. It takes patience to be able to stay around someone who is constantly preoccupied by little things that don't pertain to you. You know how big of a deal it is to me, and rather than bash or leave me for having these worries, you help me nurture them gone. You help me see that some things aren't worth being anxious over and that they can be overcome.
Thank you for not judging my worries.
Trust me when I say this, I know how stupid some of my worries are. I just can't help it. Thank you for still being my friend even when I worry about irrational things like thinking if I just say hi to someone, they'll automatically think I am trying to mooch from them or that I am creepy. Thank you for accepting that I, for some reason, fear things that other people wouldn't even think twice about.
Thank you for knowing when I need comforting or help.
Whether it's telling me everything is fine or actually physically doing something for me because I was too anxious to, thank you. To the smallest "You're OK" to the grand gestures like speaking to someone at the register for me because I felt like if I spoke one word I would break apart, I hope you know it all means so much to me.
Thank you for forgiving me when I make my terrible judgement mistakes.
Being the anxious sack of organs that I am, I take things pretty personally, even if they have nothing to do to me. Unintentional ignored texts, silence in conversations, certain tones and so much more can trigger my anxiety. I just don't want to be a bother to you or have you mad at me or anything like that. I can speculate and turn something innocent to something completely out of proportion. Thank you for forgiving me for turning my anxiety energy into unwarranted problems.
Most of all, thank you for treating me like a human being.
I know that I can be eccentric. I worry more than others, and I'm more sensitive. Being my friend requires more energy than being friends with others, but you still do it. You never left me. You stuck through me and my episodes. You don't treat me like an alien. You keep me from drowning in my own worry. You are the reason that I can stay afloat and do things. You help me push my nerves away.
I love you so much. You are so important to me. You don't get commended enough for all you do for me, and I am sorry for that. You are the reason that I am more than my anxiety. You treat me the same despite that I can be a lot to handle, and I just needed for you to know that I am so thankful for you.
Slightly worried about you reading this,
The most thankful friend ever
