I remember a conversation I had, years ago, with a young black woman about racism. My priority in this discussion was to clarify that I was not a part of the problem. She replied ‘you’re alright, but you gotta come get your cousins.” Meaning that I am responsible not only for the racism in myself, but also in the other white people around me. It was just a short conversation in a chat room, but what she said stuck with me. It had never really occurred to me before, but whose responsibility is it to address racism if it isn’t mine? The people suffering from it? The people who have the most to risk by speaking out? The people whose voices don’t carry anywhere near to the same amount of weight as mine do in almost every white community? It’s on white people to take responsibility for white people.

With that in mind, we need to discuss the results of the presidential election. It isn’t exactly a surprise to anyone that white people were the majority of Trump supporters. However, what may is that the majority of white people did vote for Trump. 54 percent of white women and 63 percent of white men to be exact.

This is on us and we have to admit it. It makes sense that our first urge is to distance ourselves from the issue at hand. Our current president elect is repulsive. Plenty, if not most of us are part of other demographics (i.e. gay, women, disabled, trans…) that have reason for fear. However within those demographics, we are still the ones who will suffer least and yes, benefit most, from having this man in office. There aren’t any free passes here because shit’s gonna get tough for us too.

When we distance ourselves from the problem, what we are saying is that it is more important to us to clarify that we are not a part of the problem than it is to fix the problem. If we have this attitude, by default, we are part of the problem.

We should feel shame for this, true, but not necessarily guilt. We shouldn’t issue a public apology on behalf of white people. Not because we aren’t culpable for creating an environment where racists could exist, but because our apologies mean nothing. In fact, what apologizing on behalf of our race puts people of color in a position where, according to social etiquette, they have to reassure and absolve us.What we have to remember the is that in this situation, the way we feel couldn’t matter any less. An apology doesn’t mean anything, because it doesn’t help to remedy the situation. What we need to be doing isn’t begging people of color for forgiveness but taking tangible actions to prevent future wrongdoing.

What is it that we can do, then? Dealing with racism for white people isn’t so much going to be about dealing with people of color, as it is about dealing with racists. Its our job to speak up when other white people say bigoted things. Even if it’s a joke, or a ‘small infraction’, we have to call it out. I understand that this can be frightening. Speaking up usually is. It's important to remember that that you will get better at this as you go along. Equally important for us to remember is that we are not in harm's way. And because we are not in harm’s way, we are not entitled to cowardice.

Beyond speaking up, we have to put our money where our mouths are. Support stores and organizations owned by people of color. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t buy from white people. I’m saying that it’s an easy shift to go from a chain restaurants to small restaurants owned by people of color. We can also withhold our money from places that don’t show diversity in their advertisements. In a similar fashion, we absolutely have to stop going to see whitewashed films. Even if they look really good. Producers care about what consumers want. It’s their job to do so. If we refuse to buy from them they are forced to adapt or die off. Don’t financially support someone’s product if you cannot support its values.

Listen to people of color. If a person of color says someone or something is racist, don’t discredited it just because you don’t believe so. It is imperative that we listen because as white people, there is plenty that we do not get to see. Not to mention it’s insulting and illogical to assume that we know more than they do about their own experiences.

The people who do believe that white people know better than persons of color what racism is and how to handle it is other white people. This is important because it means that our opinions will be taken far more seriously among fellow white people than the opinions of people of color. Actually, I’m pretty sure that if we stated the same facts, in the same tone of voice, right after a person of color said them, the facts would be taken more seriously. While being an ally is in no way being a champion, if we can tell that another white person isn’t taking what a person of color is saying seriously, we need to tell them to do so.

On January 20th, one of the most hateful and racist public figures in US history will be sworn in as the leader of the free world. We didn’t vote for him. We don’t want him. Yet it was still our race put him there. We may not be to blame, but we do need to hold ourselves accountable.