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To My Father...

To the man who broke my heart.

Jan 21, 2022

5505

I was planning on typing out everything you’ve missed these past 19 years. To be honest, I’m still not sure if you even deserve to know. I’m not sure if you deserve to even hear from me. But, peace is something that is important to me. Your vacancy had left me years of questioning what I did wrong, watching you build a relationship with your other child and not me, trust issues with boys. You broke my heart before a boy ever could. You say how much you miss and love me, but how could those words ever be true when your actions have done nothing besides prove the opposite. But I’m not going to sit here and say this has left me in misery. I have everything I need in life. Amazing friends, a home, a healthy body, and the most loving family I could ever ask for. You didn’t break me. That’s the thing. You leaving will never break my confidence, never give me any doubts that I am SO loved, and it will never affect who I am. I didn’t lose anything "dad". You did.

How will I ever be able to trust you? How will I ever know you won’t walk out of my life again the minute I welcome you back in it? How will I know you’ll really call when you say you’ll call? Well, I guess that’s the problem. I never will.

You missed my first dance lesson, and my first time losing a tooth. You missed my first school project and my first concert. My first kiss and first heartbreak. You missed the nights I stayed up studying for tests. The day I learned how to drive. Or the day I spent in the hospital after a sprained wrist. You missed the moment I walked across the stage or opened my acceptance letter to college. You missed it all. Most importantly, you missed what it took to be my parent.

The past 19 years have been nothing short of amazing for me. I was an honors student. I won awards for dance. I’ve made the dean's list every semester. I’ve had so many accomplishments that I’m damn proud of. My mom and my grandparents had the pleasure to watch them all. And you know what? I did it all without you.

Here’s the thing…I am okay without you being here - but I can never be okay without you having a valid reason for walking out on me.

From,

19 years too late.

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To My Father...

To the man who broke my heart.

Subscribe to our Newsletter

#Adulting is hard.

1. Taking care of yourself when you're sick

2. Making a to-do list

3. Planning your activities around the weather

4. Scheduling your own doctor’s appointments

5. Getting your own toilet paper

6. Making food without needing to ask your mom questions

7. Holding your tongue

8. Saving your paycheck (or your tax refund) to pay your bills

9. Balancing your checkbook

10. Going places alone

11. Packing your own lunches

12. Actually eating your vegetables...on purpose

13. Taking a multivitamin

14. Planning a life after graduation

Sometimes bigger isn't always better.

1. If something happens, everyone knows about it

2. Never getting to be invisible

3. Knowing every single thing about every single person in the town

4. New kids are a big deal

5. It’s hard to make new friends

6. On that note ... the dating pool is even smaller!

7. Teachers are weirdly close to their students

8. It forced you to make friends out of school

"I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love"

1. That Time He Tested Out His Flirting Skills and This Happened

2. When He Was Willing to Do Anything to Avoid Confrontation

3. When He Couldn't Handle Awkward, Emotional Situations

4. How He Reacted Whenever His Friends Ignored Him

5. All of the Times He Worried About His Failing Love Life

6. Whenever He Tried to Whip Himself Into Shape

7. How He Handled New People and New Experiences

8. Whenever His Friends Got Annoying, He Was Always the Voice of Reason

9. He Always Knew How to Jam

10. He Finds a Way to Make Any Situation More Fun

No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

8. Not knowing how mean you really look until you see a picture of yourself in resting face.

9. Your apologies never sound sincere because of your emotionless face.

10. Your "mad face" scares you.

11. And, lastly, people are constantly asking you if you are happy or having a good time because you look bored to death.

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