To My Friend,

Words cannot explain the initial shock that ran through my blood when I first heard it.

I didn't believe it. We had just Face-timed each other to catch up. After our conversations I couldn't help to be proud of you. I say that sincerely. We weren't best friends, and only knew each other for a short amount of time, but I know for sure that I was proud of who you were becoming. You embodied your adulthood, and was doing everything in your ability to help your family. School, work and family was the highlights of a healthy life for you. You weren't interested in getting into any trouble, you just wanted a healthy life. There are very few people that I recognize as "men" at the young age of 21. But you embodied that position in every way that you could. And it feels so corny saying it, but I've always thought that about you. Even when we first met, I was able to totally understand the person you strived to be.

Everything about your passing-- changed me. I think about it. It bothers me. I tried making this letter a week ago and couldn't even get the first line typed.

I choked at the thought of reaching the ending of the letter.

I haven't touched that letter since then. I ignored it. I put you and God on the back burner because too many feelings came with your passing. And somewhere along the lines I couldn't keep my feelings or God hidden. It needed acknowledgment.

Sometimes I can't admit that your passing has affected me more than I am comfortable with. It hurts me bad. You didn't deserve it. It shouldn't have happened the way it did. IT SUCKS.

Again, we weren't best friends who talked everyday, but I still considered you a good friend. We still haven't gone to the TCU or Baylor game together. You said that right after you finished training with your new job, that we'd go. It makes me sad to know we had unfinished plans.

And that as a whole you never got to pursue the things you were passionate about. I know you loved your family. And I know the pain is unimaginable for them. Again, I just can't even imagine.

I'm still not to sure how to address what I'm feeling, but I know that God allows certain things to happen for a reason. I don't know the answers to all of my questions, but I know that God has a purpose.

My heart is laid out for you here in this letter, but I needed to find some sort of closure and clarification. I love you man. And I know I'll see you again in heaven.

To My Friend, Cristian Cecilio,

I miss you more than ever.