Having someone in Heaven is something that isn't easy to deal with, especially if that person is your Dad. Being a daddy's girl and going through life without him is challenging and it can also be heartbreaking.
Dear Dad,
I know you are looking down on all of us you're probably thinking, "wow my family is kicking life in the ass!" It wasn't always like that; we had our struggles and we had tears but one thing that we knew we had was love.
When the days after your death seemed like we were going to be in this dark and dreary world forever, there was something that brought us light. For me, our buddy Tundra was there for me when life carried on day in and day out without much promise in the world. He dried my tears with his mane and his soft eyes always made sure I was okay. He looked after me just like you probably told him to that last day. I don't know if those words were exchanged verbally or by actions but he's keeping your promise.
The love between us is incredible and I have no idea what life would be like without my best friend, Tundra.
Here I am, down here on Earth making you proud. I am at the school you worked at and I am loving every second here at Rider. I am on the Equestrian Team just like we planned and everyone on the team cheers me on just like you would have. Every time I enter that arena, it's for you Daddy. I wish I saw you in the crowd just like the olden days when I wore pastel green with Lakota.
Lakota is owned by Amy, my dad's sister, who taught me almost everything I know about horses. This was my first horse show in 2010.
Learning to adjust without you was (and still is) hard. Who would take care of the pool? How would we know what needs to be fixed and who would fix it? Thankfully, our awesome neighborhood came together and stepped up to the plate. When you were sick, they brought us food with the Meal Train schedule. People sat with you that last summer so Mom could step out and do errands or clear her head and they sat with you that last week in hospice. The night crew was apparently lively and everyone there made transitioning easier for you.
Our town has a St. Patrick's Day 5K Run/2 Mile Fun Walk. Our friend who is one of the partners at the local PT clinic, Hamilton Physical Therapy, had shirts made that said Team Charlie so we could show our support for my dad. All of these people were there for my family when we needed people to help us and we are forever grateful to them.
Looking back on the challenging times, I have realized that it made me a better person. Before all of this, I was a little girl who had a lot of maturing to do. After my dad was diagnosed, I discovered that life isn't always rainbows and sunshine. It's sadness, grief, and heartache. But I also found out that if you have a great support system, you can do anything that you set your mind to.
My dad didn't want to leave us but he knew that our friends and family would look out for his wife and kids. He knew that they would take care of us whether it be helping us decorate the house for Christmas, setting up the backyard for the spring and taking it down for the winter, and he knew that we will always have our "hood", as we like to call it.
So as I walk through life without you, I know you are smiling in Heaven and you couldn't be any prouder than now. Okay, maybe you can, there's always room for improvement. I know you will be glowing when I get that diploma, when I walk down the aisle to meet my future husband, when I have my first child, and when I raise that child and send them off to college to face this world. You will be proud and I am so happy to keep your memory alive.
Love,
Your little girl
xoxo and butterfly kisses
