To My Brother in Heaven on His Birthday,

I can’t believe you would be 29 this year. So many milestones have been reached since you left us when you were 21. You’ll be five years older than me again for a few months before it drops back down to four. I think about who you would be today if you were still on Earth with us. As much as I miss you here and I wish I could celebrate with you, I know you’re having the biggest celebration in Heaven. You’re surrounded by our loved ones and you’re with Jesus. I’m a little envious of all the fish you’re catching because it means I’ll have some work to do when I get there with you.

To My Brother in Heaven on His Birthday, I wish I could come see you even if it was just for the day. It makes me think of the song “If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away,” how I wish I could come visit every once in a while, although, I think Heaven would be so beautiful that I wouldn’t want to leave. I know how the Bible describes it, but I also think it’s even more beautiful because it has you, our grandparents, our loved ones, and our sister there.

When I picture who you would be today, I often see the same goofy grin on your face when we would get in trouble as kids. The s*** eating grinning as everyone called it (sorry for the curse word, but that was the accurate description given by many). I see you picking at me and threatening to tattle on me still. I imagine the conversations we would have about you placing a stereo in my car and my replies. You always loved the sound, but I thought it could be mildly annoying at times. I picture what your house would look like or if we would have bought Nanny and Pawpaw’s house back together. I wonder if I would have nieces and nephews running around. I wonder if you would have the twins so that I’m not the chosen one! Being my luck, though, I’ll have a house full of girls. Hey, that’s an idea — why don’t you and God work that out where I won’t have all girls. I at least want one boy to name after you and Pawpaw. I wonder what kind of trouble you and your boys would get into still or if you would all be settling down (probably not). I wonder how you would get along with Shaun or if you would both just drive me even more crazy.

To My Brother in Heaven on His Birthday, we miss you. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you. I know you’re in a better place, but my world hasn’t been the same since you left. The selfish side of me wants to bring you back at all costs, but I know God called you home for a reason. I might not ever understand it, but He needed your beautiful soul. I know you’re watching over each of us. Truth be told, you’re probably having a lot of fun up there meddling in my life day to day, but that’s okay. You’re probably trying to make things a little clearer for me and help me not make a mess. I wish you could be here all the time, but I really wish you could be here for my wedding in October 2018. I need someone to help keep mom from crying too hard when her baby girl says “I do” and I need you to threaten my groom a few good times with “that’s my baby sister.” Before anyone’s feathers get ruffled, that isn’t a serious statement. If you know my relationship with my brother, we were ALWAYS protective of each other.

To My Brother in Heaven on His Birthday, thank you for being the big brother I always needed. My first word was Bubba and you taught me so much in the sixteen years I had with you. Each scratch, bruise, scrape made me tougher and stronger. You taught me how to stand up for myself and for others. Thank you for spending time with me. I’ll never forget the days we played outside, riding the go-kart, sledding, wrestling, killing bumblebees, fishing, racing, and so much more. Thank you for helping me to have some knowledge about cars and sound systems. Thank you for all of our conversations and the advice you have given me over the years.

To My Brother in Heaven on His Birthday, know that April 19th will always be a special day. It will always be celebrated here on Earth. We will always celebrate your birthday even if it’s something small. Bubba, I love you and I can’t wait to see you again one day. Keep me an open spot on whatever body of water you’re fishing and know that you’re going to have some competition!

Happy birthday, Bubba!

Love always,

Your baby sister