Every time I start to think about where I see myself in two, four, ten years, a lot of things change – my ideal career, where I want to live, what I want to look like. I know as well as you do that the future is scary and inevitable. I know that things can change in the blink of an eye and that nothing is certain. You know that, too.
I think that one of the most beautiful things about being in love with someone like you is that even if my whole world is flipped around and everything goes crashing down, or even if everything goes right, you are the only person I want standing next to me. Although everything I picture about my future seems to change, you're the one thing that is constant. You are the first person I want to call when something goes right, and even when something goes wrong. You're the person I want to share my adventures, my successes and my failures with. It's you.
As I sit here in the aftermath of a conversation that had the potential to rip everything apart, I can't help but think that it didn't for a reason. We could both be headed our separate ways right now as just friends, enemies, or something in between. However, we aren't. For some reason, we went to bed on good terms – well, better terms than before. For some reason, my love for you is still there and it's not going away. For some reason, my visions of us in my future never faltered, even for a second when I saw it all flash before my eyes.
I don't know what these reasons are, but I hope it's because our story isn't finished yet. I hope it's because one day we'll be sitting in a room thinking back to moments like this and laughing at how naive we were and cherishing how strong we are now. I hope that it's because we are going to get a place together and get the dogs we always talk about wanting. I hope that it's because you're it for me. That's what it seems to be, at least. I tell you all of the time that you're it. You're all I could ever want and more. I hope that I'm right. I hope that we're right.
Conversations like this take a toll on the mind, spirit and the attitudes of those involved. It sucks because, for a minute, it's like everything you've worked so hard for could be gone. It's like every laugh, every tear, every kiss was all for nothing. It might seem like it's not worth it anymore, but you don't give up on someone you love. You don't give up on the plans you made and the dreams you've dreamt. Giving up is too easy.
These conversations can hurt. But I know that with you by my side, we can get through anything. We can amount to anything and everything we set our minds to. Nobody can hurt us.
With a love like this, bumps in the road can't hurt us, they can only make us stronger. As cliche as it may seem, it's true. We only get stronger and we only love harder. It's not all for nothing. It's for something so much bigger than this fight.
I love you, M. You're my best friend.
