Saying goodbye to you was the hardest decision i ever had to make in my life considering we never actually got to say the words "Goodbye".

What you did to me and put me through is something i would never wish upon anybody. But at the same time, you were the greatest lesson i think i've learned.

You taught me my worth. You taught me everything i deserve in a relationship & everything I don't deserve. What i didn't deserve was the countless nights i would leave your house crying questioning "What am i doing in this relationship?" I didn't deserve being talked down upon, I didn't deserve the countless amount of arguments over the smallest things.

I lost everything for you. Lost a lot of friends, family relationships. I almost lost my entire family for you. Nobody approved of me and you, but i didn't care because i loved you so much. I defended you time and time again. But it wasn't enough.

Nothing i did for you was ever enough. I could've given you my last dollar, or even a limb - And it still wouldn't have been enough for you. I tried to mold & change myself into this perception of the women you wanted. I was never her. You wanted me so badly to be the women that YOU wanted. Everything was always about YOU. And the second i made something about me, I was called "selfish" and "uncaring" or a "bitch"

You were allowed to do so many things that i wasn't "allowed" too. You went out with friends, Got drunk, got high. All whilst you were doing this, I would lay in bed and refresh your location and your social media to see what you were doing. You would stay out until 5 in the morning and drink all night, and I wouldn't say a thing. Because i loved you.

You took advantage of me. You knew how much I loved you, and how i would drop everything and anything for you.. And you abused that power. You loved the fact that i loved you so unhealthily. You loved the power and control you had over me. It's sickening looking back on it. You manipulated me so much that i don't think i'll ever trust another word anyone says to me.

I was never right. Everything i did or said was wrong. All our arguments, I ended up apologizing. I ended up crying begging you not to leave me for something i didn't even do.

It's been hard adjusting to you being out of my life. Some nights i still lay in bed and watch our old videos of us laughing until our stomach hurts questioning what happened to that man that made me laugh until i cried. That man turned into someone that would yell until i cried. Some nights i lay in bed and think of all the emotional abuse i tolerated from you and get sick in regret of every time i let it go. All the times you told me my anxiety was my fault. All the times you told me it's my fault i feel alone, That i'm dramatic and a cry baby and everything is all in my head and that i'm "crazy". But i wasn't crazy. It was you making me feel like that. All my accusations and gut feelings were 100% right.

I always knew deep down that we were not meant to last. From the second i met you. I just knew. We talked about marriage, and babies, but we both knew that would never happen. We came from 2 extremely different worlds.

You were not a mistake. You were a lesson. I still love you. I know that we will NEVER be together again. "We" don't exist anymore. It's just me, and it's just you. A part of me will always have a place with love for you, Even though you hurt me so badly. I stopped loving myself in the midst of loving you. I'm over that. I'm not that girl anymore. I'm learning to love myself again, I'm learning to be a person without you. And it is a journey i am loving every second of. I look back on the first week after us breaking up often.

The first week we broke up i was so broken i didn't think i would ever recover. I couldn't be alone without overwhelming thoughts of how much i "needed" you. I cried. A lot. I spent countless nights in my bed, and on the shower floor praying to god to take this pain away from me. But i'm not that girl anymore. And i am so much more than that. Even though you completely broke me into a million little pieces I can still thank you. Thank you for teaching me my self worth. I'll always love you and i forgive you for everything you put me through. But i hope you hurting me the way you did haunts you for years and when you hear my name i hope it always makes your stomach turn.