To My Best Friend In Heaven:

Sarah,

A few days have passed since I received the worst phone call of my life. The call sent chills down my spine and my whole body began to quiver and shake uncontrollably. I felt numb. I was drowning in a world of shock like I have never experienced before. Tears cascaded from my eyes like water bursting from a broken pipe. I struggled to breathe. My entire world stopped. This can't be real, I thought to myself. You can't be gone.

Not a second has gone by since that dreadful phone call where I have not thought of you. Time has moved at an incredibly slow rate. I have felt sick to my stomach every day since then. I am swamped by memories of you, which has been both a blessing and a curse. The moments that have made me laugh hysterically in the past are the same moments that are now causing me to sob uncontrollably. I have thought to myself, this must be a cruel joke. This nightmare cannot be reality. I'm going to see you again soon, right?

Sadly, I know that is not the case. I am going to miss complimenting you on your hair and hearing you giggle and say, "Thanks! I didn't brush it today!" I am going to miss laughing with you about how you bought a pink sparkly chandelier and a vibrant pink wallpaper for your locker in high school, and hearing you jokingly complain about how you weren't allowed to purchase the matching locker rug. I am going to miss having someone around who could out-eat a room full of grown men because you never judged me for my similar appetite. I am going to miss eating at Marley's and ordering two servings of wings and two tacos each...and nearly finishing it all. I am going to miss our Cloveberry dates where we would order the exact same meal – right down to our mango smoothies and the substitution of the same cheese on our sandwiches. I am going to miss the way you walked to the beat of your own drum. You were never afraid to stand up for yourself or others, and you always seemed to know just what to say when someone was feeling down. I am going to miss texting you about boys and confiding in you just as you did to me. Most of all, I am going to miss the light that you have shined on my life with your sass, humor, and overall genuine personality.

I wish you would have realized how many lives you affected in your nineteen years on this earth before you parted from us. I have been overwhelmed by messages from complete strangers who have shared with me how you touched their lives. I wish you could have looked at yourself from my eyes. To be quite honest, I was jealous of you! You were patient, kind, and one of the most intelligent people I knew, and you never turned down a classmate who needed help. You were beautiful on the inside and out, and you captivated everyone who knew you with your heart that was as large and as warm as your smile.

Emotions have flooded my bloodstream and attacked my body over the past few days. I have been overwhelmed by anger, shock, and heartbreak like never before. I have been trying to wrap my mind around why you had to leave us so soon. I go through moments where I try to act like everything is normal and okay, but then reality slams into me like a tsunami tide. There I am, drowning in distress and sorrow. Never have I felt such a physical ache in my heart and body. A piece of me left with you when you departed, and a gaping hole remains in my heart. That void will never be filled because you were unique and irreplaceable. However, I will always remember how happy you made me and all of the memories that we have shared.

It saddens me to know that you will never get the chance to graduate college, to find the love of your life, or to be the Maid of Honor in my future wedding. However, I am pleased to know that you will always be with me in spirit, in my heart, and all around me whenever I need you the most. I have spent the past few days talking to you in Heaven, and I know that you are listening to me. I can still hear your voice in my head as well as your joyous and contagious laugh. I have realized that these are ultimately signs that you are still with me and always will be. I take comfort knowing that.

In the midst of all the pain, you have single-handedly brought together an entire community. The ceaseless support is what helps to push me forward. Friends from far and wide have reached out to me as well as everyone else you were close to, and I know this is exactly what you would want for all of us. A handful of people have performed random acts of kindness for me, and I know you are smiling down on them. You knew that this tragedy would kill me inside, yet I think you also realized that I am strong enough to keep fighting and to make it through this. In fact, you have told me in the past that you admire my strength, so I hope that you are looking down on me now with a smile on your face. I truly believe that you are pushing certain people towards me because you know that I will find comfort in them and that they will be able to help me in one way or another. I thank you for that.

Junior year of high school, you were my partner for every physics lab we had. Whenever we were permitted to do our labs outside of our classroom walls, you always wanted to complete them on the middle of the small staircase under the gigantic white statue of Jesus in our Catholic high school. You always used to say phrases like, "Sam, let's go hang out with our boy J.C." or "Let's chill with Jesus today." It brings me immense consolation to know that you can now "chill with Jesus" 24/7, and I hope He has given you the grand tour of your new paradise. Save me a lounge chair up there next to you!

I, along with a few of your close friends, planted an evergreen tree in Stokes Forest across from Kittatinny Hall where we experienced the magic and peace of Search. We chose an evergreen tree because it remains green throughout the entire year. Green is the color of life, and we wanted to show how you would always live on in our hearts and minds. We searched for the perfect spot to plant your tree for about an hour. After breaking our only shovel, we became frustrated because the soil was uneven, and we kept hitting rocks whenever we thought we discovered a good place to plant our tree. We jokingly yelled up tothe sky, "Sarah, please help us out here!" We then stuck our broken shovel head into the dirt, and much to our delight, the soil was surprisingly soft and rock-free when compared tothe surrounding ground. We instantly knew that you had chosen this spot for your tree to be planted. I have to admit, it is a very peaceful place – it is just far enough away from the bustle of Kittatinny Hall, yet it is close enough for comfort, and it overlooks the water.

Although your memorial service was difficult to attend, I stayed strong for you because I know you would want me to. After your service, we released six dozen balloons of all shades of pink into the sky in your honor because you were always so pretty in pink and it was your favorite color! A miracle took place in front of our eyes: the balloons rose and began to form an 'S' in the clouds as they ascended. Underneath this 'S', a 'B' for your last name also began to form. People say "seeing is believing," and everyone who attended your beautiful balloon tribute was given visual proofthat you were present for our event and always will be with us in our lives.

Never in a million years would I have expected my best friend to pass away. I thought my friends and I were invincible, yet unfortunately tragedies can strike at any moment in time, no matter how old or young we are. I am going to continue to live the remainder of my life to the fullest for both of us, since my best friend will not have the chance to do so.

I encourage everyone who reads this to always be kind to others because you never know what battles someone is facing. You also never will have insight on when your life or the life of a loved one will conclude. Always tell your family and friends how much they mean to you, and cherish the time you spend together. Lastly and most importantly, be there for one another, and reach out when you see that someone needs a shoulder to lean on. Complete random acts of kindness because you never truly know how much your thoughtfulness may mean to someone who is struggling. Surround yourself with your loved ones, and live each day as if it were your last.

I will never forget you, my sweet angel. I love you so much, Sarah, and I will see you again someday. Fly high, and rest in peace.

Love always,

Sam

Your Best Friend Through The End