What can I say.

You made the entire world fall silent that Saturday morning. It was a day filled with confusion, agony, angry, and tears. The only question on anyone's mind was, "Why Jen?" Sadly, this isn't an answer we will be able to understand until our own time has come. But for know, we look up as we know you are watching down, wondering why you had to go.

You were flawless. Not one person could identify a flaw that you possessed. With the heart of pure gold, and the mind so centered about caring for others, people looked in you in awe. Everyone you seemed to come in contact would be quickly fall for your lovable personality and your humor. A specific example is when you had only been admitted in the hospital was one day and already had the nurses praising you. This is by no means a gift that everyone has. But of course you did.

Friends, faith, and your family is what kept you motivated. You were quick to drop what you were doing and help someone in need in a matter of seconds. Selfless was a trait that reflected everything you were about. And not once did you brag about the million things you achieved. Instead you were dedicated to a task someone put before you and did everything in you power to help.

Your friends absolutely adored you. I didn't even know a person could know and be loved by so many people. Your faith clearly showed and was a strong light in your life. The Lord could be seen in everything you did. You prayed every single night, thanking God for the life he gave you and the people He surrounded you with. But you even prayed for the ones who wronged you in the past. You use to pray that they would find peace. You were pure.

And family. There were only four people that were on your mind 24/7. You married the man you fell head over heels for and were the best wife possible. Then, you had your kids. Everyone that knew you knew... your kids were your entirely life. You'd reminded me three times a week about the best days of your life are when you had your kids. Nothing would ever compare to the feeling. You worked. You scarified. You fought. You did everything in your power to make sure your kids had everything that you didn't. I wish that we could tell you again how thankful we are and how underserving we are to have a mother like you.

For me specifically, you were always there. You never went away. Even at the times where I wanted nothing to do with you, you were there. As your first born, you always reminded me how it was me, that made you a mother. You used to call it the 'greatest gift that God has ever given me'. It didn't matter what was happening. You were there and would be by my side no matter what. You never gave up on me when times got rough. You always were there to push me in the right direction when I was off course. You were there for all of the new boyfriends, heartbreaks, bullies, and drama. You listened to me, even though looking back I sounded like an idiot. You taught me. You taught me more about life than anyone ever will. The person I am today is because of the way YOU taught me, raised me to be. Mom, you were my best friend, and I was yours.

Personally, it is hitting me in waves. It's been a little over a month since you've been gone. One second, I am not okay. How could I be? I am not okay because you left me at only 18 years old. I embark on my next chapter of my life and you are not there to guide me. I am not okay because you will never see me get married. You always dreamed about your daughters wedding and being there to see me tie the knot with soulmate. And now you won't be there watching dad and I going down the isle. I am not okay because you will not meet your future grandchildren. Everyone knew how much you loved babies. You used to gush when talking about talking them for a walk on the beach or to Disney. But now you aren't here to meet them. Why mom? You can see down here that no one is okay with you gone. There is something missing in my heart that cannot and will never be replaced.

Mom, I am not okay.

But the next second, I am okay. Why? I am okay because I know your faith has carried you straight up to Heaven. You were so incredibly loved by not only us, but the Lord. I know that He will give me the strength I need to live my life down here without you. I am okay because I know you would want me to be. You always talked about when you were gone, you wouldn't want anyone to be sad. You hated funerals, wakes, and the dark shadow that odored the air. You wanted people to remember the good times and my god, there are many. I am okay because I know that you are watching me. You are by my side. I might not get to see you, but I feel your presents. I know that you won't ever leave me under any circumstances. Whatever I do, or wherever I go, you are there. I still wonder why. I wonder why you left this earth. But my ultimate goal now is to show and tell the world everything you have done and be the daughter you raised me to be.

Mom, I am okay.

There isn't a day that goes by where you aren't on my mind. Memories of you flood me like waves crash on the ocean. I can't ever find the words to express how thankful I am to have had you as my mom. I don't know how I got so lucky. It is something I thank God for everyday. Everyone wonders why they were so lucky to have you in their lives. I'm sure you can see now how much people adored you. A million thank you's would not even be close to enough as to how many you deserve.

You were gone way too soon, but the impact you have left is substantial. I hope you know that. You were the light in so many peoples lives and you will forever have a place in peoples hearts. You are heavily missed, but we are itching for the day for when we can see you again. Me especially. Thank you for being beautiful self. I love you to the moon and back.

Oh and Mom? Don't worry. I am okay.

Your daughter,

Avery