To My Miscarried Son, Thank You, You Saved Me From Myself | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Student Life

To My Miscarried Son, Thank You, You Saved Me From Myself

In your passing, you brought me joy for the future.

294
To My Miscarried Son, Thank You, You Saved Me From Myself
Yulia Sk

To My Sweet Baby Boy,

As we're coming up on the anniversary of your due date, I find myself thinking more and more about you. You would be four this year. FOUR! Where has the time gone? I can't believe that it has been so long since you have been gone, yet I still can not even imagine that it has been long enough that we would be thinking about school.

I often think about things like what you would look like right now. I'm sure you would have dark hair like your father, but I hope you would have my blue eyes. And I'm sure you would love being outside playing in the dirt, or splashing in the water. I wonder how tall you would be. Both of your parents are on the shorter side, but all of your cousins are rather tall for their ages, so there's still a chance that you would be tall. I wonder about your health. Like would you have allergies like me? Or breathing problems? Or would you wear glasses? Would you get the "chubby kid syndrome" like both of us did, or would you be tall and lanky? You'd probably be a little butterball. And it makes me smile to imagine that.

I do wonder where you and I would be. If we would still be living in that apartment built at my parent's house or if we would be out on our own. Would you spend your days bouncing around from one grandma to another, getting love everywhere you go? Would I be on the same career path that I am now, or would I be doing something completely different? And I often think about how involved your father would be. I wonder if he would be out of town for school or work, and rarely ever see you. Or if he would be heavily involved, spending most weekends with you, and taking you on little overnight trips to the beach.

But most of all, I find myself thanking God for the little time I had with you. In those short months and weeks, I learned how to love. And in those months and years after, I was able to learn so much more about myself than I ever thought possible. Your little life had such an impact. One that is unimaginable. You saved me from myself. You saved your father from himself. And you were able to show both of us that the true meaning of life is love. You also showed us that the love we shared was for you, not for each other. And we have both been able to grow and flourish on our own, in separate lives. And for that, I am so grateful to you, little boy. You in your existence, you brought me closer to my family. And in your passing, you brought me joy for the future.

For you, I am so so grateful. You were planned by God, prayed over urgently, and loved greatly. Your teeny tiny life was not for nothing, for you are the single greatest love I could have ever known. I didn't know that I could feel such a passion for someone I never got the chance to see, but there you were. I held you every second of your life, and I will love you for every second of mine.

Please give your great-grandmother a hug for me, and tell her that I love her and that I miss her. And have your eye on which angels to send down for me next. For one day, though not any day soon, I want to love your brothers and sisters as much as I love you, and I want for you to love them too.

I love you forever, my sweet angel,

Mommy

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

The Daily Struggles of Being a College Commuter

It's not all morning coffees and singing along to the radio.

518
The Daily Struggles of Being a College Commuter
morethanwheels

I've been in college for four years now. I spent half my time as a commuter and half as a resident so I've experienced both sides of the housing spectrum. One thing I've learned comparing the two is that my struggles as a commuter far outweigh anything I went through while living on campus. Commuters have to deal with the problems school brings along with a slew of other issues; I've filled up my gas tank in the worst kind of weather conditions and napped in random places in public more times than I'm proud to say of. This is a list of some of the most challenging aspects of being a commuter.

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

15 Times Michael Scott's Life Was Worse Than Your Life

Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

3318
Michael Scott
NBC

Most of the time, the world's (self-proclaimed) greatest boss is just that, the greatest. I mean, come on, he's Michael Freakin' Scott after all! But every once in a while, his life hits a bit of a speed bump. (or he actually hits Meredith...) So if you personally are struggling through a hard time, you know what they say: misery loves company! Here are 15 times Michael Scott's life was worse than your life:

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

12 Midnight NYE: Fun Ideas!

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

17577
Friends celebrating the New Years!
StableDiffusion

When the clock strikes twelve midnight on New Year's Eve, do you ever find yourself lost regarding what to do during that big moment? It's a very important moment. It is the first moment of the New Year, doesn't it seem like you should be doing something grand, something meaningful, something spontaneous? Sure, many decide to spend the moment on the lips of another, but what good is that? Take a look at these other suggestions on how to ring in the New Year that are much more spectacular and exciting than a simple little kiss.

Keep Reading...Show less
piano
Digital Trends

I am very serious about the Christmas season. It's one of my favorite things, and I love it all from gift-giving to baking to the decorations, but I especially love Christmas music. Here are 11 songs you should consider adding to your Christmas playlists.

Keep Reading...Show less
campus
CampusExplorer

New year, new semester, not the same old thing. This semester will be a semester to redeem all the mistakes made in the previous five months.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

Let's face it, last semester you woke up with enough time to brush your teeth and get to class and even then you were about 10 minutes late and rollin' in with some pretty unfortunate bed head. This semester we will set our alarms, wake up with time to get ready, and get to class on time!

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments