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To Maryland

I hope you read this

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To Maryland
RegOnline

I was raised in Maryland, right outside Baltimore. Now this isn't going to tell you about the time I went into the city as a child and watched a man get gunned down outside his house. No, that never happened and I hope to god it never will. I miss Maryland -- Baltimore City included. Having grown up there and it being the only home I ever knew, I almost regret leaving sometimes. But Maryland is a tiny place and as much as I love it and will always call it home, it's not exactly where I belong. So this is a letter to you, Maryland.

Maryland,

I miss you. Even though I find a lot of your qualities annoying. Like screaming 'O' during the National Anthem. Coming from a military family, that's almost the most disrespectful thing you can do, but I'm definitely not going to get into the other most disrespectful things. But those annoying qualities are also things that I find it almost hard to live without. Since moving to Pittsburgh, your estranged half-brother, I've noticed that I hold back to the urge to mumble 'O' under my breath during hockey and baseball games.

I get tired of seeing purple everywhere I go, but I almost miss it in the way that you miss that spider you knew always lived in the dark corner of the kitchen but never moved. It's a pretty color once you get past the whole Ravens thing. Orange is a really obnoxious color too, but I also don't understand how no one wears it anywhere. Like seriously, I haven't seen one Pittsburgh-er wear orange.

Let's also work on driver's education in Maryland. I know how much y'all pay for it, so let's amp it up a bit because no one in Maryland knows how to drive. I don't almost get killed in Pennsylvania nearly as much as I do in Maryland and driver's ed isn't even required in Pennsylvania. But I do always have more fun driving in Maryland - probably because I don't have to pay to use the highway - but mainly because it's fun to swerve around people who're trying to kill me. And as morbid as it sounds, your abundance of murders is also something I find hard to live without. If I watch the news in Pittsburgh, there's not nearly as many murder stories and it's almost boring. Granted, they have a much better sports scene, so that's what they talk about instead of murders, but there's just some kind of 'Charm' that comes from seeing the number of murders almost reach the number of days in the year. Never change.

But there's also things I truly do miss about Maryland. Your love for Old Bay is definitely not an annoying quality, but I can't seem to find anywhere in Pittsburgh that's willing to serve it so I can eat a Primanti's Sammich with seasoned fries. You should really work on marketing Old Bay more because Pittsburghers also aren't great at putting spice on anything and I think Old Bay would be a great thing to add since they live on three rivers. Pennsylvania lacks in one of the best things about Maryland: crabs. Anyone who's been to Maryland, can vouch that we love crabs and put crabs on literally anything we can. Cute little crab magnets and postcards so people can be jealous that we have good, seasoned seafood make me so happy. But there's no Maryland crabs in Pennsylvania, and yes the obviousness is not lost to me. I've yet to visit Joe's Crab Shack at Station Square, but I'm just not ready to be wholly disappointed in the lack of Old Bay. But then again, I could be totally surprised if they boil them in Old Bay and give me a tub of Old Bay to dip them in, but I try not to get my hopes up.

Send crabs, the good kind.

Then there's our beautiful flag. No one can ever beat us in how amazing and Maryland our flag is, not even the United States. My boyfriend doesn't understand why we put it on everything, but you understand, don't you, Maryland? It's a thing of beauty and we have to share it with the rest of the world. I try to buy Route One Apparel but I'm a college student, so I don't have money. Send Route One Apparel if you can. Size medium. Pennsylvanians get so salty when they see our flag, like damn, I'm not the one who made your flag your state seal. Do better.

I fear I've begun to ramble and I just want to restate, (lol) that I miss you, Maryland. I hope you miss me almost as much as I miss you, but if you don't, don't tell me because then I'd have to burn all my Maryland stuff and I. Can't. Do. That. I'll see you this summer, Maryland.

Sincerely,

a really sad Maryland-er who wants to come home but also doesn't want a thing to do with you.

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