Pastor Kim Burrell advises, that gay people "beg God" to be freed from the "homosexual spirit." Well, Kimberly (if I may), I've actually tried this. I've had my fair share of ugly crying, "Why me Lord??" moments. Believe it or not, I spent a lot of my childhood trying to "pray the gay away." Apparently, it doesn't work like that.
I am a black bisexual man who grew up in a black church. Yep. Because of this, I've grown accustomed to feeling out of place. I often feel out of place among other black men because, in addition to my blackness, I am a bisexual man. I often feel out of place as a member of the LGBTQ community because, in addition to my queerness, I am a black man. I almost always feel out of place in church because I've been told over and over again that my sexual orientation will be the reason that I go to hell. Conversely, I often feel welcome and overwhelmed with joy because Jesus tells me that He loves me. Unfortunately, I've felt exclusion more than I've felt genuine love in church.
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The video of Kim Burrell speaking about those of us with the "homosexual spirit" has only furthered the negative feelings that I've grown to have for the black church overall. In the video, Burrell can be heard saying that homosexual people are "perverted."
So I'm supposed to show up to church and try to grow my relationship with Christ and get told that I'm basically wasting my time because I'm headed to hell anyways? Word.
Choosing hateful rhetoric over giving helpful, love-filled sermons is problematic, to say the very least. It's what has either directly or indirectly caused so many members of the LGBTQ to commit suicide. It's what fuels people to attack LGBTQ people. It's what causes many LGBTQ people in the church (specifically in black churches) to either hide their sexual orientation or desperately try to change it.
Bare with me for a moment. Imagine that you're told your ticket to a fiery eternity full of discomfort is solely based on who you're emotionally, romantically and/or sexually attracted to. Imagine that even though you've proven yourself to be an upstanding citizen and a generally good human being, you're told that you'll still go to hell. Imagine having this notion reinforced in your mind almost every week of your entire life. This is a reality for far too many black LGBTQ churchgoers.
The Bible does essentially say that homosexual sex is a sin. Sure. But should sinners judge fellow sinners so harshly? Additionally, not all gay people are even having sex. Though many people like to reduce the LGBTQ community to sex and sex organs, it's way more nuanced than that. It's a community of people. Further, to be gay does not simply equate to being a person who engages in sexual activity with a partner of the same-sex. But I digress.
There are a myriad of sins that aren't really talked about in church. Additionally, those who have committed these sins aren't singled out with such pure hatred. Why are people not calling out the wide array of addicts with this same level of loathing?Where is the hateful speech toward those who have sex before marriage and/or children out of wedlock? Can you point me to the utter disgust for those who eat pork and other meats that were declared "unclean" in Leviticus? No?
The issue goes beyond the delivery and frequency of anti-gay sermons or overall anti-gay environments that are commonly present in black churches. Part of the issue is the hypocrisy of it all. Such hypocrisy is seen in people like Burrell who has sort of played both sides in regards to her views on homosexuality.
The singer who was screaming in the now viral video is the same person who recently collaborated with Frank Ocean, a man who has publicly spoken about a past relationship he had with a man. I'm sure she had no trouble collecting a check from her "perverted" peer. The pastor condemning homosexuals to hell is the same person who was scheduled to appear on Ellen. I'm almost positive that she welcomed the exposure (although Ellen decided to cancel Burrell's appearance). This woman who felt the need to direct her sermon to the "perverted" people dealing with the "homosexual spirit" is the same woman who is the pastor of a Houston church. If my memory serves me, I'm pretty sure that this directly goes against biblical scripture. It's alright though, Ms. Burrell, we're all sinners in some capacity. At any rate, the bigger issue goes even beyond Burrell.
Let's focus on black gay men for a moment. Many people are perfectly fine with getting their makeup and/or hair done by black gay men. Far too many people appropriate slang from white gay men who got it from black women who actually picked it up from black gay men. Yep, black gay men started "shade", "slay", "yasss", etc. A black gay man even played an instrumental role in the Civil Rights Movement. Rest in peace, Bayard Rustin.
Numerous black gay men have contributed (and continue to contribute) so much to society only to have their humanity stripped away from them by their fellow human beings. For black gay men, having to deal with and fight against both racism and homophobia comes with simply existing. It's exhausting. I can't imagine how black gay women, who have to deal with this AND sexism, do it.
How am I suppose to stand with my black brothers and sisters knowing that many of them wouldn't do the same for me because of who I may love? How am I a member of the LGBTQ community when it often excludes me because of my race? How am I suppose to tell others about how God loves me when I feel so much judgement and exclusion every time I go to church?
We've got work to do. This work may start with calling one another on our intolerance or by simply being more accepting and understanding of our fellow humans. Regardless of where we start, we have to reach a place where we can acknowledge and embrace the differences that make up each of our unique identities. Personally, my identity includes my race, sexuality, beliefs and so much more. My identity is complex but it makes me me. God is the only one who can say for sure where I'll end up, and I'm the only one who can definitively say who I am.
I am a son of a beautiful, intelligent, loving and strong woman who immigrated to this country alone. I am a proud Houstonian who couldn't live without delights like queso or chopped and screwed music. I am a black man struggling to succeed in a country that has set me up to fail. I am a bisexual man in a society that tells me I shouldn't publicly express my sexuality. I'm still the same kid who grew up in church singing praises to His name. And yes, He loves even me.
To Kim Burrell and Those Willing To Listen: Contrary to popular belief, I'm NOT a pervert. I am, however, a decent human being who wants to become better in many aspects of life.
I'm growing. I'm learning. Most importantly, I'm living my life... *whispers* like it's golden.
