I’m obsessed with personality tests. Meyers-Briggs you name it iv sent it to all my friends and used them to analyze my own personality. I think this is because I’ve never been able to access how others perceive me.
Have you ever wanted to watch yourself though someone else’s eyes? Just to see what you truly look like, how you act, and how that comes off on others.
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I get mixed reviews when I ask about myself. The one thing I always seemed to get was a combination of fearless, impulsive, different. I love being different, and I love change. At first I am always excited to get this, but as it sinks in and is explained, it’s not usually a “positive” in others eyes. The kind of people who emphasize my “impulsivity” and “quirkiness” trend to be those of the opposite traits. Those who like routine, safety, comfortability. There is nothing wrong with these things either, but to me, a life of monotony seems to be stifling creatively and would make me unhappy. As said, these comments come off as negatives. Your impulsive, it’s fun, seems to come with an air of judgment and inner eye roll.
My own mother always told me, “you can’t do everything and have it all. You have this immature dream of having a hundred jobs and traveling the world. You need to grow up, pick a career, and learn to settle. It’s just the way the adult world works.” While there is some truth in this, and more for others, I never understood why we all have to do this.
If you know me, you know I never listened to the rational. I’ve changed my hair a hundred times, changed my major dozens of times, and taken on more hobbies in a year than most do in a lifetime. For most of my life I’ve felt horrible about this. My parents pay for so much, and I am in debt to so many, the guilt of failure made me not want to be me.
Me is changing. I am not impulsive all the time. What may come off as impulsive is adaption and innovation. Impulsivity implies I do something without thought, but when I make crazy decisions, I have a goal. To experience the new, to challenge myself, and to learn, every time. One day my hair will be short, the next day long. My major will be biology, then be art. Ill become an expert in basket weaving, and then specialize in karate. I change.
This is who I am, and this is how I live my life. I am not dauntless, I am adaptable. I am not impulsive, I am innovative. The people who change the world are not like the others. They have a different walk, a different look, a different mind. Writing my graduate essays, when asked what makes me special, I realized it’s my ability to change, and learn. This is the definition of intelligence.
To all those who thought I was less intelligent because my mind whirls in passion over 100 subject, I am.
To all those who say I can’t live a life of change successfully, I am.
I am a chameleon, ever changing and adapting.
I have worked hard this year. Really HARD, and I haven’t stopped doing everything, and constantly changing. My ability to change makes me unique. Each subject, hobby, and art I take on molds each other. In fields where creativity is not “necessary” and true change seems impossible, I am going to bring ideas to change all we know for the better. I am so excited to have so many new opportunities ahead of me. BIG THINGS are coming for me, and am excited to announce them to my family and friends. I
I don’t condemn those who don’t understand the way I am. It’s hard to imagine a life the opposite of mine, to imagine the thoughts of people unlike me. But to everyone on the edge, afraid to make the jump but considering it, I challenge you.
Cut your hair, change your major, apply to something you think you’ll never get, take an odd job, embrace being single/in love.
Especially if it scares you. You might not like your hair, you might decide you don’t like painting, but you’ll learn something about yourself. To me, being strong enough to take the leap means something in itself. You are brave, you are willing to learn, you are ready to change into a better stronger you.
To me, that is something to be proud of.
Keep calm, and then don’t.
