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Dear 10 year-old me.

You are going to fail so spectacularly that you will be forced to sit back and admire your work.

Sophia Abera

Sep 12, 2016

Pullman, WA

Sophia Abera

Dear 10 year-old me,

You are going to fail so spectacularly that you will be forced to sit back and admire your work. You will spend months desperately trying to feel something, anything. You will go to sleep praying that, like a snake, you will shed your skin overnight and wake up anew. You will build yourself the life you always wanted and watch it fall apart, and you will fall with it. You will becoming an expert in impersonating the person others want you to be and, one day, that will fall apart too. There will come a day where all of the things you thought defined you will fall apart and you will be forced to reconstruct yourself.

You will love every second of it.Well that's a crock of shit, but you will live life so fully it is going to hurt like a bitch a majority of the time.

You will see every side of life and choose to stay. You are going to fall in love with human nature, which, despite the world telling you otherwise, you believe is good and kind. When you sink into depression your friends will swim down and save you. When anxiety makes you so high strung you almost disappear your family will glue you together. You will owe every part of your survival to the people who held you together when you thought you were not worth saving. And you will save others, because they will see the scars you are marred with and find an anchor.

Because you are going to be an idiot for a while, here are some cheat codes. You are not special, you are not crazy. Anxiety and depression affects more people than you think, ask for help. The first plan you come up with does not have to be the one you live by, life does not work like that. Failure is a part of life, stop fearing it. The saying "It will get better" will piss you off when it seems as though everything is falling apart, but they have a point and it will. The most important things in your life are people, don't take them for granted and make an effort.

While you are going to vehemently disagree with this at times, life is worth living and you are just fine. Keep your head up, shoulders back, faith strong, and just keep swimming. We are going to be just fine.

-Future you.

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Dear 10 year-old me.

You are going to fail so spectacularly that you will be forced to sit back and admire your work.

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It's not all morning coffees and singing along to the radio.

You can't just go to your room to take a nap in the middle of your classes.

Having to spend all your extra cash on gas for your car.

Speaking of money, you probably don't have a meal plan so you're forced to scrounge up some change or mooch off of your friends.

It can be harder to maintain the friendships you make with people from class.

Finding a parking spot.

It can be harder to be involved on campus because between your one, two, or three jobs and school you don't have much free time.

When you try to be super involved on campus, it can kill your sleep schedule.

It's impossible to do homework at home, but staying on campus isn't an option sometimes.

There are surveys and events that you can't participate in because you're a commuter.

Group projects are the bane of your existence.

Traffic.

Your backpack rivals that of a survivalist trekking in the woods.

Driving all the way to campus to find a note on the door of your classroom saying class was cancelled.

Because have you ever had to endure grilling your foot on a George Foreman?

1. When he just wanted bacon from his George Foreman grill

2. When he had money (and Jan) issues

3. When he got upstaged at Phyllis' wedding

4. When he unintentionally saved Meredith from rabies

5. When he wore a "bisexual" suit

6. When he had to apologize to Jesus

7. When his GPS drove him into a lake

8. When he had to deal with Ryan as his boss

9. When he couldn't fulfill his most generous empty promise

10. When this happened

11. When he struggled with a X-Mas break up

12. When he had to defend his generosity

13. When he threw a classy Christmas party for Holly but she had a boyfriend

14. When he had to stand up to peer pressure

15. When Toby was "Toby-ish"

This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

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