Dear 10 year-old me,

You are going to fail so spectacularly that you will be forced to sit back and admire your work. You will spend months desperately trying to feel something, anything. You will go to sleep praying that, like a snake, you will shed your skin overnight and wake up anew. You will build yourself the life you always wanted and watch it fall apart, and you will fall with it. You will becoming an expert in impersonating the person others want you to be and, one day, that will fall apart too. There will come a day where all of the things you thought defined you will fall apart and you will be forced to reconstruct yourself.

You will love every second of it.Well that's a crock of shit, but you will live life so fully it is going to hurt like a bitch a majority of the time.

You will see every side of life and choose to stay. You are going to fall in love with human nature, which, despite the world telling you otherwise, you believe is good and kind. When you sink into depression your friends will swim down and save you. When anxiety makes you so high strung you almost disappear your family will glue you together. You will owe every part of your survival to the people who held you together when you thought you were not worth saving. And you will save others, because they will see the scars you are marred with and find an anchor.

Because you are going to be an idiot for a while, here are some cheat codes. You are not special, you are not crazy. Anxiety and depression affects more people than you think, ask for help. The first plan you come up with does not have to be the one you live by, life does not work like that. Failure is a part of life, stop fearing it. The saying "It will get better" will piss you off when it seems as though everything is falling apart, but they have a point and it will. The most important things in your life are people, don't take them for granted and make an effort.

While you are going to vehemently disagree with this at times, life is worth living and you are just fine. Keep your head up, shoulders back, faith strong, and just keep swimming. We are going to be just fine.

-Future you.