As people, we allow ourselves and our relationships to be defined by titles we find in a dictionary. I always thought that if you were in a relationship, it needed to be defined as such. There was a line that needed to be crossed and defined with you and your partner. Otherwise, you were not boyfriend or girlfriend, nor did you have any type of relationship; you two were just a blob, wandering in the empty space of misunderstandings and confusion. I found not having a title to be frustrating. Just what are we? “She’s my girl, but not my girl yet,” so then what am I? From a young age, we’re conditioned to use titles to let others around us know who and what we are. We are either this or that, and we carry this habit into our relationships, defining our relationship for ourselves and for others. Personally, I felt as if I needed the title between myself and my partner in order to validate my space in his life; I needed the title to let the world know that we were together, that he was with me and I was with him, and that title made everything between us official. I defined my relationships by the titles created by society, just like we use titles for everything else in life.
But, in reality, a title is just a word; it’s just a "title." A title doesn’t suggest that your partner means more to you than before you put a title over your relationship, and it certainly doesn’t make you love your partner more. A title does not change anything other than the way you and your partner are defined by society. We are a generation that dates – we love dating, going on dates, meeting people, and just overall being with others, but sometimes we step back and can’t help but want to ask "what are we?" the one question which can either make or break a relationship. What a dreadful conversation. Just imagine having that conversation. You’re both sitting across from each other, looking into each other’s eyes, sharing one string of spaghetti, your lips getting closer and closer, hearts beating fast until someone messes up and the string of spaghetti falls between the two of you and back onto the full plate of spaghetti. You look up and just blurt out, “what are we?” And he? He just says “I don’t know.” Then you both feel awkward. Your stomach feels like there’s a giant watermelon weighing you down, and he’s just thinking “crap, I probably should’ve picked answer B.”
However, I digress.
Sometimes, a pair gets closer without a title, and adding a title just ruins it. When a couple is in that awkward “together-but-not-together” phase, everyone and their mother wants to put in their own two cents: “Why aren’t you two dating?” “You two would be so cute together.” “Everyone knows you like each other, why not just date?” “You’re already dating. Might as well call each other boyfriend and girlfriend.” When two people decide to date, usually the next step that comes is marriage, and that sort of pressure would make anyone want to stray from being in a relationship. People go from asking why you two aren’t together, to asking when you two plan to get married. No one wants to be pressured into a relationship they’re unsure about. No one wants to feel that a title is the only way to validate their relationship.
Some pairs don’t need a title, and that’s perfectly okay. Some pairs are just happier being in relationship purgatory, and although that sounds like a bad thing, it really isn’t. So when you think about whether or not your relationship needs a title, take a step back and realize that a title is only a word, and a word only has as much meaning as you allow it to have. Take a step back and realize that the pressure of a title sometimes isn’t worth losing the relationship that you two have built and grown together. A title doesn’t have to mean everything; it does not validate the feelings between you and your partner. So don’t worry about a title. Just go with the flow and be happy.
