Show of hands, who has ever gotten into an argument on social media? Chances are pretty high that you, the reader, have defended your stance on at least one issue. As someone who enjoys a stimulating debate, I must confess that I have not beheld many of these online. I am attributing this abundance of atrociously composed rebuttals to stupid people who didn't pay attention in English class. Now, are they stupid or do they just not know how to "flame war"? It is my tendency to believe the cause is the former and not the latter. Nonetheless, it is my goal to impart a few tips on how to become a better debater on Facebook.

1. Hooked On Phonics: Use.That.Shit.

I must apologize. I am projecting a personal bias here, but I become physically ill when I read terribly written social media posts, especially in an argument. You rob yourself of all credibility when you use the wrong form of your/you're. There are other faux pas one can commit such as ending a sentence with a preposition, incorrect usage of their/they're/there, fucking up Oxford commas. Oh mah' gerd'. Do not get me started on Oxford commas. I mean, I am not an English major and am far from perfect, but you should be able to perform at a certain level when arguing online. Therefore, do your research and learn yo' self some English.

2. Never Back Track. Once you back track, you are a loser.

In an argument, someone is likely going to say something that will offend you. Name calling is a classic example. Someone talented at handling confrontation will identify something that got under your skin and absolutely milk it. If you are having a political debate with someone intelligent, someone who makes good points and defends them well, then I recommend you research your point of view, defend it, and stick to it. Inconsistencies lead to you losing.

3. Avoid "Curse Words".

I've seen many an ignoramus neglect to spell "because" correctly, but they manage to spell "fuck" right every time. If you can refute your opponent's argument professionally and intelligently, then you are one step ahead. By wording your sentence correctly you can also sneak in sarcasm and snark that adds insult to injury. That takes much more skill. Condescension can really get under people's skin. If you must use curse words, do it ironically. Make it humorous yet classy. There is a reason Mark Twain is a commemorated author and not Johnny Redneck who is griping about all of "da worthless fuckn Mexicans comin in and takin our jobs and taxes. Trump make merica grate again!! If u dnt like it get out!!!"

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So yeah... Here is the final tip for flame wars on social media. Strap in — it is the best one yet!!!

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Keep going...

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Almost...

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And Finally...

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4. Don't have a flame war, you stupid idiot!

Just don't. I will reference Johnny Redneck from before. If someone is going to open up a can of worms on Facebook, there is a very high chance that you could argue with them and be right in absolutely every way. However, there is no possible way for them to see that. People suck, honestly. We pay people called "politicians" thousands of dollars every day to have flame wars. This has been going on for centuries. If we haven't figured out how to settle arguments by now, we likely never will. My vote is to disregard tips 1-3, practice flame war abstinence, and your life will be happier. I promise!