Co-written with Dia Delso
Hello, lovely people of the world. If you are currently in a relationship, this is probably not for you. I sincerely apologize. But hey, if you are a single, please enjoy our tips on how to make the most of your singleness, from the most single girls you know.
First, let me introduce myself. I'm Rachel. I have never been in serious relationship during my 19 years of living on this earth, which is totally cool. I mean, it's hard to find someone as funny as me. Just kidding. In all honesty, I have been perfectly fine with my singleness, and am waiting on God's timing in my life.
I'm Dia, her partner in crime! My relationship with dating is best described as complicated. BUT I've gotten pretty good at it finding the gift part of the dreaded gift of singleness in the last year and thought it was about time someone gave a shout out to the single girls.
So, let us begin.
1. Find out who you are in Christ.
From R: Okay, this is the most important because you will never be able to work in partnership with someone without knowing who Christ is, and what role He plays in your life. Christ offers us the most important relationship of all, and will guide us constantly throughout all of life's twists and turns. He gives us enough love to cover entirety.
From D: Before you can even think about getting into a serious relationship, it's so important to find out who are are in Christ. What are your spiritual gifts? Your love languages? What piece of scripture can you read over and over again? While you can do all of these things with a boyfriend, it's been so rewarding for me to focus solely on falling in love with the creator of the universe and not on growing a relationship with his creation.
2. Have an female mentor.
From R: Discipleship is a major part of growing as a believer. Mentors are encouragers, supporters and friends who want to see you blossom. They are there to listen to every thing you need to get off your chest, judgement free. They will laugh, cry and love you at any hour of the day. Plus, they give the best hugs.
From D: There is nothing like coming to an older, wiser woman and spilling your guts to her. I've had the amazing opportunity to be surrounded by several women of faith who have given me some of the most amazing advice. No matter what bump I hit or where I find myself, I know I can pick up the the phone and have some God breathed advice in a matter of seconds. Also, these ladies give the best dating advice when that special someone makes himself known.
3. Travel.
From R: SEE THE WORLD. Even if it is just a small part. You can learn a lot about yourself when you are in an unfamiliar place. Meet cool people in even cooler places. Ride a bike on the sidewalks of Spain. Eat a deep dish pizza in Chicago. See a concert in L.A. and watch the sunrise on the mountains. Embrace the moment when you don't have to keep up with texting a boyfriend.
From D: I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure Travel is the cure to any kind of broken heart. Not having a boyfriend to buzz your phone reminding you that he misses you every night is helpful in being completely present In whatever city or country you find yourself in. There is no better feeling in the world than fully submerging yourself in a culture and falling head over heels for a people group. Being single truly allows your whole self to be present on a trip and makes the homesickness that much easier to deal with.
4. Don't listen to sad love songs. Listen to Hillsong Y&F because someone already loves you.
From R: Love songs can trick your heart into wanting someone in your life at that very moment. "Marry Me" by Train will make you want to start planning a beautiful ceremony. But Jesus already loves you and songs like "Gracious Tempest" because whoa does that song just make you feel the Lord's love. Basically, what am I getting at is be careful what you are allowing yourself to hear and watch, because you could be giving into what society says you need to do. Don't worry though -- Jesus will always love you.
From D: My mom always said trash in, trash out! While that was actually a knock at the movie my brother and I were watching, it stands true for all things. What you spend your time focusing on is the thing you will think of. Listening to love songs and watching back to back rom coms is like peeking into a world and realizing what you're missing. So, my advice is to take this time to watch some girl power movies! They are in abundance nowadays. Read a book by your favorite lady boss and jam to some Kari Jobe, because there is nothing more exciting than finding the power in being a woman in love with the Lord.
5. Be intentional.
From R: You probably hear this term a lot, and I didn't start understating it until I lived at a Christian university, but this is crazy important! Being intentional with someone will allow your relationship, whatever it may be, to last. If you sit down with someone for 30 minutes every week at the local coffee shop, it shows you care. It will allow you to become a better listener, better at encouraging and most important, will give you a better relationship. Talk about Jesus with your friends and walk toward Him together.
From D: I'm gonna be really honest for a second. I had no idea what being intentional was until I moved into my tiny Baptist college and started hearing everyone say it! Since I've become aware of it, I've been trying to master it. I like to define it as knowing how to make people aware of how important they are to you. It's as simple as picking up the phone and telling someone you miss them or taking the time to walk over to a gal pal's dorm room and ask how her heart is (don't ask your guy friend how his heart is, because it will make him uncomfortable and he will say something dumb like "fine"). Taking the time to figure out how to make people feel important will not only make you a better girlfriend, but better at starting the all important gospel conversations.
6. Not every boy is dateable.
From R: No matter how cute they may be, some boys are NOT dateable. They could have a million things in common with you, and be the most handsome boy in the world, but if he doesn't have a heart like yours, SEND HIM PACKING. Relationships are all about partnership and working together. If the Lord hasn't placed the same desires on both your hearts, your partnership is going to suffer. Dating eventually leads to marriage and if you aren't on the same page about ministry and who God has called you to be, it will never work. Find a boy who loves the Lord and seeks His will. Pray for him daily. I promise he is out there and is the most dateable.
From D: Learning all about a man's heart for the Lord can, needless to say, complicate things, but learning how to develop deep meaningful friendships with our brothers in Christ that don't lead to a romantic relationship is a life skill that is important for any person to have. Take a second to really show your heart to a brother in Christ and just become friends, because believe it or not some of the best dating advice I've ever gotten is from a dude. The men in my life that have taken me under their wing and shown me the purest form of Christ's love have become some of the most important people in my life, and it's all because I didn't try to date them.
P.S. - if you think God is laying someone on your heart to date, that means he is laying it on his heart too. He wouldn't tell one person. Just because he also wants to move to Bolivia and spread the good news, doesn't mean he's going to be doing it with you.
7. LOVE. YO. SELF
From R: This one is the hardest of them all. Loving who you are as person is something you need to do. It's so important. No one will ever reach perfection. Not even Beyonce. But once you reach the day where you are fully confident in everything Christ has made you to be, it will change the way you see the world. Always embrace who you are. Make jokes, laugh at yourself, sing loud for all to hear, speak your heart, love the world. Love every flaw and every part of who you are.
From D: Loving yourself is the hardest, most important thing that you can do for yourself. A huge chunk of becoming a whole person is loving the person you are! This battle can last years, but when you finally not only accept your body, mind and soul, but love it, that's when you become the sassy, self confident girl that you deserve to be. So please buy that dark lipstick and take a million selfies, because the best part about being single is getting to do whatever you want.
Love Always,
The two most single girls you know
