You know the moment: the dark ominous cloud sweeps over you, consuming your every thought, action, and word. Your emotions have taken that deep plunge and you feel like Chicken Little while anticipating the entire world is about to fall on top of you. You are overwhelmed with the crippling anxiety that prevents you from not only completing your daily tasks, but from doing anything at all.
How are you going to overcome this emotion? Will the feeling be a short burst of sadness or a perpetual pain? How are you going to react when you start to feel depressed again?
You know as well as me, that the emotions are always going to be a part of our lives. Instead of allowing the pain to restrict us, however, we can learn how to cope with them. Lately I have been focusing on how I can react in the best manner possible to ease through the pain and continue my journey on becoming a stronger individual.
With that being said, I created a list of mantras to keep in mind when dealing with depression. The list was partially inspired by one of my favorite writers, Gabrielle Bernstein, and some of her wise words through her incredible books, The Universe Has Your Back and Miracles Now. The list was also composed after reading another book, If You Feel Too Much: Thoughts on Things Found and Lost and Hoped For, by Jamie Tworkowski, another role model of mine. Both authors have inspired me greatly over the last year when my depression has seemed to spike the most. In combination with those two incredible individuals, tons of other quotes and moments and stories have ignited my need to create the list of mantras. With the World Mental Health Day just passing on October 10th, and our universe currently struggling through many other tragedies, I cannot think of a better time to remind others of the positivity that still remains.
So here is to you, to me, and to everyone else fighting each day to live. I hope you can find peace with at least one of the chosen mantras.
1. You keep waking up today for a reason, allow yourself to find it.
The second time I was hospitalized with depression I kept telling myself, "God has a plan, He had you wake up today, and you have a purpose." Whether you believe in a higher power like me or not, you must remind yourself that you have a reason for being on this planet. What would be the point of life if not? You need to give yourself the time to understand why, and it may never be clear, but trust that you have a purpose. In all honesty, I am still searching for my purpose, but I know that I am in my current position to make a great change. I am where I am meant to be and you are too.
2. Always hold yourself accountable for your actions.
You can play the blame-game until you are blue in the face, but until you look in the mirror and take responsibility for your actions, you will be sinking in quick sand. Other factors and individuals may have contributed to the despair that you are feeling, but what has been holding you in the painful state? You. Acknowledge your mistakes, forgive yourself, and learn how to move forward. Once you push through the uneasiness of the task, you will learn that you were simply holding yourself back all along.
3. The more you give, the more you get back.
I truly believe the universe responds from the energy we give off. If we are distributing negative energy to the world, why wouldn't we get that in return? We are ultimately putting ourselves in those situations because that is the expectation we have set for our surrounding environment. If you want to be loved, give love to everyone around you. If you want to be treated kinder, treat everyone you interact with kinder. The more you give, the more you will receive.
4. You are not weak, but you are strong, for asking for help.
Absolutely no one wants to ask for help. An individual who asks for help is often thought of as weak, dependent, and needy. Those stereotypes are wrong because someone who asks for help is the most self-aware of us all. That person is honest and genuine with his or her situation, and has the desire to change the circumstance. If you ask me, I would say the person who asks for help is the strongest of us all.
5. The smallest step in the right direction can be the biggest of your life.
Change sucks, for lack of better terms. Who wants to leave their comfort zone and enter the unknown? We often think of change as a huge feat to overcome, but we overlook each step we take to get to that point. You know the moment you decided to change? You never understood at the time, but that was the very first step. The small decision you made is what got you on the right path for the remainder of your life. You may tip-toe, walk backwards, or stumble, but you are on that path, and that is incredible.
6. Each obstacle is a road block to the path you are meant to take.
I have said the dreaded question, why me? I think we all have asked that too many times. And although the question itself can be positive, we often use it when we are victimizing ourselves. We have reached a difficult time and instead of seeing the obstacle as a learning opportunity, we focus on the issues that are caused now. But what if that person going fifteen under the speed limit in front of you just saved you from the accident that would have occurred if you were five minutes earlier? You see an obstacle, but the reality is that you are actually being deflected to the path you are meant to take. You are now headed to something even better than you could have imagined.
7. Separate the controllable from the uncontrollable.
My anxiety always spikes when I do not have control over every aspect of an outcome. I used to be that group member who wanted to do every portion of the project to make sure the assignment got completed to my standards. I also was the person who got completely burnt out by the time I was eighteen. I should have released some of that control and trusted those around me. I have learned that I can try with all of my power to get what I want, but factors will always exist that prevent us from getting those exact results. Understanding the difference between the controllable and uncontrollable has provided me with the peace to settle with what happens.
8. You will never be able to please everyone, but you can please yourself.
You may be like me and not know what the word no means. You say yes to everyone and everything because you want to be able to please every person you care about. While the aspiration to make everyone happy is admirable, your ability to do so is unrealistic. You learn that people will always want, want, want, and you only have so much to give. You have to make yourself happy too, so remember to please yourself. You can always be sure to do that.
9. Begin and end your day with a grateful heart.
When we are struggling, we often analyze everything that we do not have. But what are we taking for granted at the same time? You are still breathing. You are still able to talk. You can walk. You can do so many things. You are limiting yourself by not appreciating everything your life has to offer. Open your eyes, say thank you for those around you, and take some time to get acquainted with your beautiful surroundings. You will quickly see the value of your life and everything you do have.
10. Be the first to apologize.
You know that guilt you are feeling after that argument you had with your parents, significant other, coworker or friend? I can guarantee that is not the last feeling you want lingering if that would be the last conversation you two had. You have to put your pride aside, apologize for the hurt your caused, and move forward. Life is too short to hold onto guilt and pain, so say what you need to while you can.
11. If you need someone else, someone needs you.
Someone recently asked me who my person was. You know, the go-to person we have in our lives. I was truly unsure at the moment and the first thought that popped into my mind was my dog. He depends on me and truly needs me. But what about my family? What about my friends? What about my coworkers and clients? They need me too. I hope you see that people surround you with the same need. If you have a person in your life that you depend on, I can guarantee that he or she needs you too. You may not always see your importance, but someone else does, and you just have to trust them.
12. If you see unquestionable beauty in someone else, eliminate the hesitation to see the same in yourself.
Whenever nasty thoughts towards myself flood my mind, I try to imagine myself saying those words to one of my friends. My heart breaks every single time. I would never say unkind or harsh sentiments to anyone else, so why am I saying those about myself? Although the process is difficult, you need to stop those negative thoughts from entering your mind. Change that system and change it now. You would never question a loved one's beauty, and it is time that you stopped questioning your own.
13. Be selfless, but do not forget your values.
Putting others before yourself is commendable until you forget about who you are. I remember that I loved my friend so much I told everyone, "I just want what he wants, because that will make him happy, and I am happy if he is." If you were that person, the old me, you need to stop. You have stepped past the point of knowing what you want because you want the person you care about to be happy. Discover what tunes into your own happiness, chase those dreams, and put them first. You will connect with people who do the same and support your happiness, instead of having to sacrifice the joy for theirs.
14. Always practice patience.
Today's society has normalized the need for everything to be right at our fingertips immediately whenever we need something. We quickly turn to anger and frustration when we have to wait for anything to turn out, instead of practicing patience and letting time take its course. Patience not only allows ease when we need something, but patience also prevents rash judgments of others. Everyone is fighting his or her own battle you know nothing about, so try to be patient. Overcoming that first perception and getting to know someone can change your life.
15. No one can tell you who you are except you.
No matter what you do, no matter how kind you are, and no matter where you go, you are still going to face a conflict with someone. And I am not referring to a heated argument, but more of a disagreement. All perceptions are valid, but never let someone's opinion change who you are. Stay true to you because there is only one. We need you, and this world wants you to believe in the person you are. Trust me, you as you is exactly who you should be.
16. Healing has no set time, pace, or limit.
Pain is and will always be relative. Some individuals break-up and can move on immediately, while others experience the pain for months. Are either healing processes wrong? Of course not, but you need to remind yourself that your healing depends on you, no one else. Get to know yourself and your needs, and never let anyone tell you that you should be acting a certain way or doing a certain thing. At the end of the day, you know what will help you the best and stick with that intuition.
17. Never underestimate the impact kindness can have.
I always remember that commercial where the woman holds the elevator for a man, who later helps a mom get her stroller on a bus, who is seen by a man across the street, who later stops someone who is backing up from hitting another car. The entire commercial is a depiction of random acts of kindness and how one action transfers to so many other individuals. I used to tear up all the time when the commercial came on TV because that message is truly so powerful. People need to be reminded that one small act of kindness can change so many lives. Stop underestimating what your joy and loving touch can bring to someone's life.
18. Letting go is okay.
Letting go is not easy, and never will be easy, but sometimes moving on is the best decision to make. Often we do not let go because we are avoiding the inevitable. We still believe that someone or something will change, instead of looking at what has been in front of us. We are holding onto what could be, instead of looking at what is. When we open our eyes, we see the truth, and often that is what sets us free. We can let go when we are honest with ourselves, and then can also prepare to open ourselves up for the better opportunities that life can bring.
19. Allow yourself to feel, your emotions are valid.
People often want to hide that they are upset or frustrated because we are shown to pretend that everything is okay, even when it is not. We are afraid that we will disappoint the people we care about if we share how we feel, even if we are simply trying to be honest. But I am here to always tell you that your feelings are always okay. Your feelings are valid, and the emotions have been sparked for a reason, but you have to let yourself feel them. People will often want you to hide them, but most likely that is because they lack an understanding of what you are feeling. Someone's lack of understanding never means that you are wrong. You are allowed to feel, give yourself that freedom.
20. Love always trumps fear.
Life is scary, especially when we have been knocked down over and over again. We fall and have to get back up at least a dozen times. So why do we keep trying? Why do we fight that fear? Because of love. Because we not only love ourselves, but those around us. Human nature was created to connect and help each other through the most difficult times. Therefore, during those times when we struggle are scared to move forward, we need to love more than we ever have. Love is the most powerful tool we have, and we have to remember to use it. When you are scared, when you feel like you cannot go on, and when you are thinking about giving up, please remember to lead with love. You will conquer more than you ever imagined.
