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20 Rules You Must Obey When You See Your Tinder Match IRL, Or #RIP Your Social Life

Whatever you do, don't eat a banana.

Amber F. Armstrong

Jul 29, 2018

Western Washington University

3007

20 Rules You Must Obey When You See Your Tinder Match IRL, Or #RIP Your Social Life

https://unsplash.com/photos/zHsLOlZgqmM

So about three weeks ago, I was finishing up an article where I asked 15 guys on Tinder "DTF?" Yes, it was all fun and games, until I saw one of my matches sitting about five feet away from me. I should've just left the room (this is my last rule on this list). I was laughing, staring, looking at his profile, and this was all directed to my best friend who was sat directly in front of me. She told me to STFU and just keep calm because he most likely didn't recognize me (rude, but true).

I deleted my account straight after this incident because how the heck could I handle this again?

To keep you from humiliating yourself any further than you already have (we both know it's true), here are 20 things you should 110% NOT do if you come in contact with the same situation as I did. Good luck my "Tinderees":

1. Stare at them for more than 0.00009 seconds.

2. Whisper sweet nothings into their ear (IDK how you would feel this comfortable with a hot stranger, but to each their own).

3. Pull up their profile and ask if that’s really their dog.

4. Laugh uncontrollably until the whole room is as uncomfortable as you are.

5. Send a picture of them to themselves with the caption, “Cutie spotted.”

6. Send them a “what you up to?” text because you know damn well what they’re up to.

7. Send them the, “How you doin’?” Joey GIF and stare at them until they look at their phone.

8. Slick back or whip your hair to the side… stop, they already swiped right so they already think you’re hot, why try too hard?

9. Walk past them five times and keeping making it obvious asf.

10. Wink… because no one wants to see that.

11. Spill coffee on their desk to get them to notice you (you may ruin their homework and then that “almost relationship” has already gone to sh*t).

12. Dab their direction. Actually, just don’t do this in general #YoureWelcome.

13. Eat a BANANANANANA (don't judge, you are thinking it too).

14. Lick a lollipop.

15. Do a squat or push up (for all the gym rats out there).

16. Snap your BFF a picture of your hottie with a body.

17. Slide under the table (I have contemplated this one).

18. Ask how their trip to Las Vegas was back in 2013 (Facebook stalking at 3am should be kept private).

19. Start playing their Tinder anthem out loud... I think they'll notice, sweetie.

20. Finally, I would just get TF out of there but leave your dignity and take your regret with you.

If a majority of the above has already happened to you, I recommend not giving a sh*t and do whatever you want. The relationship is already gone. Maybe unmatch if they haven't already.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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20 Rules You Must Obey When You See Your Tinder Match IRL, Or #RIP Your Social Life

Whatever you do, don't eat a banana.

1. Stare at them for more than 0.00009 seconds.

2. Whisper sweet nothings into their ear (IDK how you would feel this comfortable with a hot stranger, but to each their own).

3. Pull up their profile and ask if that’s really their dog.

4. Laugh uncontrollably until the whole room is as uncomfortable as you are.

5. Send a picture of them to themselves with the caption, “Cutie spotted.”

6. Send them a “what you up to?” text because you know damn well what they’re up to.

7. Send them the, “How you doin’?” Joey GIF and stare at them until they look at their phone.

8. Slick back or whip your hair to the side… stop, they already swiped right so they already think you’re hot, why try too hard?

9. Walk past them five times and keeping making it obvious asf.

10. Wink… because no one wants to see that.

11. Spill coffee on their desk to get them to notice you (you may ruin their homework and then that “almost relationship” has already gone to sh*t).

12. Dab their direction. Actually, just don’t do this in general #YoureWelcome.

13. Eat a BANANANANANA (don't judge, you are thinking it too).

14. Lick a lollipop.

15. Do a squat or push up (for all the gym rats out there).

16. Snap your BFF a picture of your hottie with a body.

17. Slide under the table (I have contemplated this one).

18. Ask how their trip to Las Vegas was back in 2013 (Facebook stalking at 3am should be kept private).

19. Start playing their Tinder anthem out loud... I think they'll notice, sweetie.

20. Finally, I would just get TF out of there but leave your dignity and take your regret with you.

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May the odds be ever in your favor.

Phase One: The “I got this” phase

Phase Two: The “I have time” phase

Phase Three: The uncontrollable sobbing phase

Phase Four: The “help me, I've fallen and I can't get up” phase

Phase Five: The rejoicing phase

10 ways to prepare for finals week—beginning with getting to the library.

Who knows where we would be without them.

1. Thank you for laughing at my jokes, even when they really aren’t funny.

2. Thank you for singing unbearably loud with me all the time.

3. Thank you for letting me vent to you for hours about anything and basically being my personal therapist.

4. Thank you for ordering pizza with me at 2 in the morning.

5. Thank you for all the movie days when we don’t feel like moving.

6. Thank you for being my workout buddy everyday.

7. Thank you for sharing your closets with me.

8. Thank you for taking naps with me at random hours during the day.

9. Thank you for cleaning our home with me when we absolutely need to.

10. Thank you for all the rides when it’s late and you don’t want me to walk home alone in the dark.

11. Thank you for studying with me in our kitchen when we didn't want to go the library.

12. Thank you for making dinner with me.

13. Thank you for helping with my hair, makeup and outfit every time we go out.

14. Thank you for taking countless ugly pictures with me.

15. Thank you for not judging me when I go too long without showering.

16. Thank you for making our apartment feel like a second home.

17. Thank you for being there through all of our boy troubles.

18. Thank you for giving me a hug when I feel homesick.

19. Thank you for getting excited with me when one of us gets a good grade on an exam.

20. Thank you for still being my friend and not judging me when I say or do dumb things.

21. Thank you for telling me what I should do when I am sick.

22. Thank you for dancing horribly with me everywhere we go.

23. Thank you for staying up super late with me when we aren’t tired or can’t sleep.

24. Thank you for being super weird with me.

25. Thank you for all the unforgettable college memories.

26. And most of all, thank you for being the best friends a girl could have.

I may or may not be stressing right now.

1. "What do I have to study for?"

2. "What class do I need to study for the most?"

3. "I’m going to ace this."

4. "Focus!"

5."I have no idea what I'm reading."

6. "I should call my smart friend about this."

7. "I’m going to fail. I’m going to fail."

8. "I’m dropping out of school."

9. "What grade do I have to get on the final to pass the class?"

10. "Oh, no, I have to do good."

11. "I shouldn’t have procrastinated all semester."

12. "I wanna go to bed."

13. "We did not learn this!"

14. "I should go get food."

15. "Why do we even have finals?"

16. "I don’t want to be at the library."

17. "Get off your phone."

18. "I can watch Netflix for like 20 minutes and then go back to studying."

19. "I shouldn’t have watched Netflix."

20. "You have to study now!"

The "Happiest Place on Earth" has a lot of characters with some pretty great advice.

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