In the three months (January 2016-March 2016) that I had Tinder, the viral dating app, I rode the emotional roller coaster that most individuals don’t realize they’re paying for, but are prepared to hop on anyway. At first, I was skeptical, thinking of the many persistent thoughts echoing through my head, some of those thoughts not even my own! Online dating, really? Isn’t that just for hooking up? Don’t talk to strangers, Trish! Okay, the last thought might have been inspired by my mother. I was reluctant at first because I wasn’t sure what long term goal was for this app. Coming out of a relationship at the time, I really just wanted to meet new people, I wasn’t looking for another relationship or a hook up with anyone, but to convey that to someone struck me as near impossible. Still, I’m not one to form an opinion until I’ve firsthand had the experience, which was my reasoning for downloading the app and signing up. I’m going to tell you about my experience in those three months and what, as a female “looking” for a male, I encountered daily.

When I first logged on, my profile was as descriptive as 5’10”, psychology major, and ukulele player. For profile pictures, I uploaded the maximum amount so the person I was talking to would get the best sense with whom he’s conversing. In addition, I wanted to include pictures that could also be potential conversation starters. If you’ve traveled outside of the country, if you’ve swam with dolphins, or if you're an avid photographer and want to post your passion, do it. Give the person more to go off of than “hey,” a.k.a. the infamous conversation killer.

Now, as a perfectionist, I altered my autobiography many times over the first month, but stuck with one that best represented me, not just things I do or like, but one that also captured my sense of humor, one of the most important qualities of a personality and the leading potential of a good conversation starter. For example, I listed I was a “Professional Colorer” and most guys would ask what the hell that even meant. Seems silly, right? It worked, though. It’s essential to understand that like any type of dating, you need to sell the idea of yourself to someone else if you want to make something happen. I’m someone who truly believes a personality will triumph looks because let’s be honest, most guys will find another girl as pretty or prettier than me, and that’s okay. What’s going to make him stop and take another look at me though will be our conversation. I once talked to a guy who listed his blood type in his autobiography and because of this one outstanding fact, I decided to message him first. From my conversations with male friends, it’s atypical that a girl would message a guy first. With that being said, attempt to make the first move, because odds are the guy is just as nervous messaging you as you are messaging him, and personally, I was told it's refreshing when the girl makes the first move.

When I first started on Tinder, I didn’t make the first move too often. I was too overwhelmed with the amount of guys who matched me (cue the emotional roller coaster). It’s very easy for anyone to become wrapped up in this app that is one big self-esteem booster (to put it into perspective for anyone who hasn’t used the app, it’s the classic “hot or not” game). With that being said, don’t become emotionally invested with these individuals you haven’t met yet. Invest time in the conversation, but set aside your emotion. When someone did make the first move on me in the beginning stages of my Tinder experience, I devoted time to be polite to each and every guy that took a second to say hello.The process of having the same mundane “hello, how are you?” conversations ending with “haha, yeah me too,” however, became exhausting, one of the reasons I ended up leaving Tinder. It wasn’t just the “hey” that I was annoyed by, it was the overuse of repetitive pickup lines that eventually allowed me to think of better rejection lines over the three months. Let me say this again: Do. Not. Use. A. Pickup. Line. Also, please don’t wink after every sentence. I’m not going to wink back, I promise.

So what is something that made me want to keep the conversation going? In addition to someone who reciprocated the conversation, I appreciated a man who took the time to look at my autobiography, pick out something I said, and mention it in his opener, because paying attention to small detail is very important from a girl’s perspective. Thank you for calling me pretty or beautiful, but you are not the first and not the last guy that will say that to me and no, this isn’t an ego because of course, you liked the way I looked, you swiped right, remember? I am a girl who can take a compliment, so please don’t expect me to say, “oh no, I’m not that pretty.” Ladies, please don’t pull that card, because you’re setting men up with the expectation that all females will be insecure and that men need to compliment the way you look when they first talk to you, hence the repeating vicious cycle. There was one guy I talked to who asked me a simple question, “if you were stuck on a deserted island and can only bring three things, what would they be?” Sure, we’ve all heard that question, but it’s an example of a thought provoking question that will display more of our personalities and intellect which will keep the conversation going.

As I mentioned before, my challenge was conveying to a guy that I was purely interested in conversation. Some of you might be wondering why I didn’t just put that in my autobiography. If I did that, I wouldn’t be able to truly experiment with the app or get the experience I was expecting. Out of the 298 guys that I matched with in those three months, I met up with only 1 of them and it wasn’t even during the time I had Tinder, funny enough. Even funnier, he was my first match. We decided early on we weren’t interested in dating, besides the fact he was from Connecticut and me from Long Island. I didn’t give him my number right away nor did I give my number to anyone right away. I’m perfectly okay with utilizing Snapchat or Instagram, so please don’t tell me you need my number because Tinder’s messaging stopped working for you. Anyway, I enjoyed talking to him and after a couple days, I made the first move to give him my number. Most of our conversations since then involved exchanging SoundCloud songs and pictures of his puppy, Charlie, and my four puppies (mostly London). I grabbed my friends and we met at the half way point, New York City, and had an awesome night talking in a small Irish pub.

So what did I get out of Tinder? A friend. I haven’t talked to any of the other 297 guys since I left the app, granted I was in between relationships. That doesn’t mean Tinder is a fail in any way, but it is important to be clear with your intentions with the other person and honest with yourself what it is you want from the app, no matter if you are a guy or a girl. If you don’t see a conversation going somewhere, give the other person the respect of saying that, wish them well, and unmatch, or at least unmatch without the person waiting four days for a response. Had my intentions been different, well perhaps I would have had better luck on Tinder. Honestly, I don’t intend on logging back onto the app. I had my fun, but ultimately, it wasn't for me. As a psychology major, I've learned that any type of relationship is formed based off of proximity and common interests, contrary to the idea that opposites attract. With that being said, I'll be looking for my next psychology experiment. Happy (safe) Tindering, friends.