Time Is Everything, Even In Loss. | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Time Is Everything, Even In Loss.

"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn how to swim." -Vicki Harrison

321
Time Is Everything, Even In Loss.

Shock & Disbelief. Denial. Guilt. Anger and Bargaining. Depression and Reflection. Reconstruction. Acceptance and Hope. The seven stages of grief and loss. Except these stages don't always come order and certainly not in short time. Some people don't experience all seven, others do. Some people take years while others take months. In my experience with watching others and having been through it myself this has been found to be true.

The truth in these is that the seven stages are never easy. Honestly, I'm not even sure if I've successfully surpassed all seven yet. For those of us who are in the midst of these just know that there will be periods of delay, periods that are stagnant, periods that are harder than usual for no apparent reason. It will stick with you like that person did when they were here. Loss can be a variety of things though, and it doesn't always even have to be a person.

Death is a part of life, and it is one thing all people are marked by at some point in their lives. It doesn't mean it is easy, it doesn't mean you are prepared, it just means you aren't alone—even when that special person leaves you.

In my personal experience with these stages, they happen without realizing. When my cousin took his own life last year in May, these stages happened automatically—starting with shock. It happened suddenly and without warning, as many deaths happen, and we didn't expect our lives to be so drastically changed on that day in that particular moment in time. I still remember where I sat when I got that phone call. I still remember my heart dropping, those words on the phone, and how to world seemed to get a little quieter. "Spencer died", my dad said. He didn't say why or how, he left the overwhelmingly terrible truth out of it all. All I knew was that he wasn't with us anymore. It's a sudden emptiness, a sudden moment where your brain doesn't seem to fire and it goes numb with tingling. A moment where nothing is processed and the world really does seem to stand still.

Maybe that's the reason my stages were delayed, maybe the fact that I didn't know how, and that I didn't go to the funeral due to being a hundred miles away. I'm not sure why. I remember where I was when I found out the truth of the passing, and the guilt and anger that surged up too. The anger of why, the anger of the world being cruel, the anger towards greater things both above and below. The anger of leaving two sons and a wife behind.

It wasn't until recently where the true sorrow set in. The sudden re-introduction of the loss hit me abruptly. I felt alone in that grief because I felt like my grief was coming at a time so much later than everyone else's. And it overwhelmed me. The creeping of that gray mist in depression, the sadness that just doesn't shake. It had been settling in for a while now, but I was unaware. The loss of clarity, the feeling of weeping and not wanting to move. For me that was the last stage. And in that stage I wept for everyone and everything I've lost in the past two years. We've done our best to reconstruct in these past two years, but it is like building sandcastles next to waves that come in as often as the tears.

Lastly, that final stage. Acceptance and hope. This article has been the hardest for me to write. These words don't come easy, because mostly there are no words I can form to fully describe it, as I'm sure others who have experienced this would understand. But, I guess in writing it I am looking to step forward to take ownership of that hope that is long overdue. There is always light that we cannot see. This world is cruel sometimes and death is present, but in that mess is the beauty of life.

I will choose to focus not on what I have lost, but that time and love that I have gained in these two years. His life was celebrated, cherished. I have time, and in that time mine and those next to me will be too. So here's to the last stage, here's to hope. And I hope that you all find that too. Take your time.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Adulting

18 Things I Want To Do Now That I'm 18

I'm technically an adult, so I'm legally required to live a little, right?

1347
Happy Birthday Cake

For the entirety of my high school career, I was always seen as the goody-two-shoes. I never got in trouble with a teacher, I kept stellar grades, and when I wasn't doing extracurricular activities, I was at home studying. Even when I did go out, it was usually with a bunch of fellow band geeks. The night would end before 11:00 PM and the only controversial activity would be a fight based on who unfairly won a round of Apples-to-Apples when someone else clearly had a better card (I promise I'm not still holding a grudge).

Now that I'm officially an adult, I want to pursue some new things. I want to experience life in a way that I never allowed myself to do prior to entering college. These are the years that I'm supposed to embark on a journey of self-discovery, so what better way to do that than to create a bucket list?

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

10 Life Lessons from Christmas Classics

The holiday classics that shaped my life

810
10 Life Lessons from Christmas Classics
Flickr

The holiday season is full of stress, debt, and forced conversation. While we rush through the month of December, it's important to take a step back and enjoy the moments before they're gone. Most families love to watch Christmas movies, but these beloved films provide more than entertainment. Here are 10 life lessons that I've learned from the holiday classics we watch every year.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

15 Mind-Bending Riddles

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

199977
 Ilistrated image of the planet and images of questions
StableDiffusion

I've been super busy lately with school work, studying, etc. Besides the fact that I do nothing but AP chemistry and AP economics, I constantly think of stupid questions that are almost impossible to answer. So, maybe you could answer them for me, and if not then we can both wonder what the answers to these 15 questions could be.

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

20733
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments