It's been a little over 3 months, Sarah. I hope you know that although time is passing, no one has forgotten about you. How could we?
I went to church this past Sunday, since I'm home for my Thanksgiving break. I try my best to go to church on Sundays whenever I'm home from school, and I've been a few times since you've been gone. But this Sunday was different. As I looked across the church, in your usual pew, sat your brother and father.
I immediately started to cry. It only took a matter of seconds before my mom, sitting next to me, asked me if I was okay, asking me what was wrong. I couldn't get any words to come out, but I glanced over at your father and brother. My one look was all it took for her to realize.
A few minutes later, I saw your mother walk into church and join the rest of your family in the pew. Tears started falling again, quicker than I could stop them. I felt embarrassed, as I sat there, hoping no one else would notice. Everyone else was clearly fine, so why wasn't I? Was it because it was the first time I had seen your family since you've been gone? Was I being "too emotional"?
On the car ride home, my mom asked me why this has affected me as much as it clearly has. Her question really made me think. You weren't a relative; nor were you a close friend. We rarely talked, except for a passing smile, "hello," and small talk in church. But you were certainly more than just a familiar face, and for me, I think that's why it has impacted me as much as it has. You were a member of our church community; one of the only people my age who regularly goes to church.
I think the Christmas Eve church service will be even harder than this past Sunday was. You always volunteered, and came around to each pew to help with the lighting of the candles. You will not be there this year, or next year, or ever again.
I was hesitant about writing this, mainly because I did not want to seem selfish. There are so many people who were closer to you than I was. Why should I, of all people, be allowed to express my feelings of sorrow when there are others, like your family and close friends, who are dealing with unimaginable, excruciating grief and pain on a daily basis?
But then, I realized. We cannot tiptoe around it. You're gone, and nothing we do or say can bring you back. Everyone who was blessed enough to know you misses you like crazy, and you must know that no matter how much time passes, you are not forgotten. You will never be forgotten. There is nothing selfish about letting you know that, Sarah.
