5:00 a.m.
My alarm wakes me up. I lay there wondering if I’m dreaming, surely I’m not actually waking up at 5 a.m. right?
5:10 a.m.
Wrong. Mother is banging on my door to make sure I’m awake.
5:40 a.m.
I’m in the kitchen making waffles. I turn around and Sister is standing directly behind me.
“What?”
“I’m slightly hungover from last night.”
“Oh dear.”
5:45 a.m.
I try to cuddle with Dog but Father calls her over instead.
Father: “I’m her favorite.”
6:00 a.m.
We’re all getting into the car, time to go.
6:01 a.m.
The car is pulling out of the driveway.
6:02 a.m.
“STOP!”
Mother forgot her phone. Father goes inside to look for it.
6:05 a.m.
We watch from the street as different windows light up as Father walks from room to room.
Sister and I find this hilarious.
6:07 a.m.
Father comes back outside.
Mother: “Oh good, he found it.”
Father: “I couldn’t find it.”
Mother gets out of car to go look for herself.
6:08 a.m.
Father finds phone in front pocket of Mother’s purse.
Brother, Sister and I laugh. A lot.
6:20 a.m.
Brother brings up Bernie Sanders.
I disagree with Brother about Bernie Sanders.
Mother declares politics off limits for the trip.
6:22 a.m.
Father brings up Donald Trump.
6:24 a.m.
Mother: “No politics!”
Sister: “I’m moving to Canada.”
Father: “I like Jeb Bush”
Me: “Traitor.”
Mother: “NO POLITICS!”
6:32 a.m.
Father doesn’t like Hillary Clinton.
Brother loves Bernie Sanders.
I think that Canadian guy is pretty cool.
Mother has given up.
6:36 a.m.
Sister is cracking her knuckles.
It sounds like nails on a chalkboard.
6:40 a.m.
Mother: “Okay lets change the topic from politics.”
Me: “Brother, how’s Girlfriend?”
Brother: “Shut up.”
Me: “I’m just trying to be supportive.”
Sister: “He won’t talk to me about her either.”
Mother declares Brother’s girlfriend off-limits for the trip.
6:41 a.m.
Me: “So Sister, how’s Boyfriend?”
Sister: “Great. I want to double date with Brother but every time I bring it up his face gets really red.”
Brother: “Shut up.”
Sister: “See?”
6:45 a.m.
Me: “So what should I write my article for this week about?”
Sister: “Write it about this car ride. It’s fucking hilarious.”
Me: “Well that’s a dumb idea.”
6:50 a.m.
Mother asks Brother how Star Wars was.
Sister: “Oh my god did you cry when–”
Brother: “Yes! I can’t believe that–“
Me: “SPOILERS!”
7:00 a.m.
We pull up at the airport.
Sister does not notice. Sister is texting Boyfriend.
7:05 a.m.
Brother insists on carrying everyone’s bags because he’s a man.
Sister: “You are a child.”
7:10 a.m.
I offer to take one of the bags.
Brother will not accept defeat.
7:15 a.m.
Brother accepts defeat.
Brother insists it is only a temporary surrender.
7:20 a.m
We check in but our first flight is delayed and our layover will be exactly 2 minutes.
Mother is not pleased.
Sister is still cracking her knuckles.
7:30 a.m.
We’re about to get into security line when Mother and Father realize they have TSA security precheck and send the rest of us to the longer line.
7:32 a.m.
Just kidding, Brother is still a child so he gets to go through precheck with them.
Sister and I get into the long line and stand behind a scre a.m.ing child.
Sister is not pleased.
7:34 a.m.
Security officer sees look on Sister’s face.
“Don’t worry, there’s coffee on the other side.”
7:38 a.m.
We’re all past security. Brother gets in line to get everyone Peets.
Father has high standards.
Father goes to find Starbucks.
7:40 a.m.
Sister: “Mother, have you seen Joseph and the amazing Technicolor Dream coat?”
Mother: “Yes.”
Me: “I see where this is going.”
Sister: “Brother is Joseph. We are the brothers. TSA security precheck is the dream coat.”
Me: “Does that mean we’re going to sell him into slavery?”
Sister: “Tell me you haven’t considered it.”
7:45 a.m.
We are all enjoying our breakfast when Father returns empty handed and gets in line for Peets.
Boyfriend is not responding to Sister’s texts.
8:00 a.m.
We are walking towards gate.
I tell Sister if I hear that knuckle cracking noise again I’ll crack them off.
8:10am
Mother drops her water bottle and stops to get it.
Sister and I continue walking. She chose precheck over us.
8:30am
Brother, Sister, Father, and I sit at gate.
Sister gets dizzy and sits on the ground. There were plenty of seats.
Mother goes to bug customer service about how short our layover is going to be.
8:35am
Father gets up to make a phone call.
Sister takes his seat.
8:40am
Father returns.
“Get out of my seat.”
Sister is texting Boyfriend. Sister does not respond.
8:43am
Me: “Father, can you tell me what you think about this article so far? It’s about this morning.”
Father: “It better be about how Sister is a pain in the ass and steals everyone’s seats”
8:50am
Crack
Me: “Sister, that sound makes me want to punch a puppy.”
Sister: “There’s no way you can hear it.”
Father: “I can hear it.”
9:00am
Our gate changed from 89 to 88.
Now I know what it means to struggle.
9:30am
We board the plane.
Time for a family vacation.
