By now, I'm sure you've all heard of the various "dangers" surrounding the new Pokémon GO cell phone app that has been circulating in pop culture. Although they are not very common, these dangers do, in fact, exist. Let me tell you a little story to show you what I mean:

It was Sunday night, July 11, 2016 around 10:15 p.m., and I was driving home from my girlfriend's house. I had seen several rare Pokémon earlier that night in the area, so I decided to pull over and check to see if any were nearby. I parked in the parking lot of a particular Costco near her house and opened up the app to have a look. That was when I saw it, the serendipitous shrouded silhouette of a Squirtle.

I turned my car off and began the journey down a back road in search of said Squirtle alone. In fact, the lonesomeness of the voyage began to terrify me even more than the journey itself had, but I knew that I had to have this Squirtle, even if it took me an eternity to make my way to its location. Five to ten minutes into my expedition, I was standing right atop the location of the Squirtle, when something outside of the augmented reality of the screen caught my attention: A sewer grate, but not just any sewer grate. Something was different about this one. I whipped out my handheld Poké-device to see if it listed anything special in these coordinates to my left, but sadly there was nothing. The grate intrigued me, so I crept closer to take a better look. As I shined the incredibly bright flashlight of my iPhone 5s onto the metal device, I realized what I was staring at Cockroaches. Hundreds of cockroaches.

When the light hit them, they scattered in all directions, including mine. I tried to see what was going on, but then, something struck my foot. I tried to see what it was, but the only thing in motion near me were the cockroaches. I staggered back, nursing my foot, thinking, "Did a freakin' cockroach just bite my foot?"

I rubbed a dosage of pure zinc cream onto the wound, which I later learned did nothing to help my situation. I re-checked my cell phone, but much to my chagrin, my Squirtle had escaped. So, I began the long, long, long (5 minute) and arduous trek back to my vehicle, but along the way, I noticed something peculiar. The laceration in my ankle contained not one puncture wound, but in fact, two. Side by side.

My fear immediately got the best of me, so I called my girlfriend and father to inform them where to start dredging for my body if they never heard from me (a little dramatic but I was scared), and I attempted to return to my vehicle. But, as the venom began to spread through my veins like the icy claws of Satan himself, the walk became more and more difficult. I finally returned to my car, and I drove swiftly to the hospital. They confirmed my fear: a snake bite. Then, they proceeded to terrify me even more by showing me the price for the anti-venom, which was $80,000 per dose. We didn't buy the medicine, just some other drugs to help stop the poison from spreading and flush it out of my body. My left leg was inflamed from the toxin for about a week and a half, but walking became a little easier each day.

Remember, kids, if you plan on playing Pokémon GO, make sure you have a pair of steel-toe boots and a shovel with you as you journey. You gotta catch 'em all, so make sure your ready for any poison-types outside the scope of augmented reality.