When I was 12- years old I remember seeing commercials late at night that promoted online dating. Normally it would be websites like Christian Mingle or Match.com and they would be directing their advertisements to people around the age of 30 to seniors. I would freak out because I always wondered if by that age I would be alone and never find my other half. At that age, I believed that people who were part of the online community were either desperate or freaks that turned out to be serial killers. I think I blame the TV show Criminal Minds for that but then again I probably shouldn't have been watching Criminal Minds at that age... However, I'm happy to say that now my view on online dating has changed.
Last year, my freshman year of college, I started hearing students try online dating apps. The one I heard the most was Tinder. Each story was different but interesting. Now, as a second year, I've been more exposed to these online dating apps mainly because of friends. I know of Grindr, Tinder, and Coffee Meets Bagel. I have heard that each online dating app is known for different things but that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to fit these categories.
As a second year in college who is still single, my friends made me think about online dating. Before making a profile, I decided to interview friends and parents so I can get to know their views on online dating. These friends consist of two groups: 1) those who have never tried online dating and 2) those who have. I choose one interview from the first group a three from the second, as those who had tried it had more to say. This Q&A article was inspired by my friends and the Buzzfeed video that I saw recently: Online Dating When You're A Person Of Color
*note: some of the names have been changed to keep the participants confidential.
People who haven't done online dating:
Torani*
How do you feel about online dating?
Would you join the online dating community?
No, it's shown that people who do online dating are seen as
What online dating apps do you know of?
Tinder, OkC
What stories have you heard through others?
People who have done online dating:
Steven*
What online dating apps have you tried?
Tinder: it hasn't really worked out-- I've met a few guys out there that are chill but sometimes you get creepers.
Coffee meets bagel: haven't used it that long. It's alright, I feel like it has more potential than the other dating apps. Just the way the interface is set up, it doesn't have the vibe of Grinder. It doesn't have a hook up vibe.
Grinder: mostly gives a message about people who are trying to hook up. Sometimes you can start conversations with them, but a lot of people are trying to just hook up. I’m not in that scene of hooking up and it kind of discredits all of those other dating apps. If you're trying to take it serious then it discredits it.
Hornet: it has the same feel as Grinder but it works differently. You get a grid of everyone's profile and you choose from that.
Grinder and Hornet: if you strike up a conversation and they see your profile they won't message you back ...they judge you right away
What made you want to try online dating?
I used tinder first just to see who was not open about their sexuality. It was just to see who was available for dating; who was gay, and who wasn’t. As a gay guy myself I wanted to see who else was open, but at the end of the day it doesn’t bother me if they aren’t given how I was raised.
What has your experience been like?
Different. Depending on the app.
Did you end up dating someone through the online dating app?
Yes, three times.
Two of them were kind of creepy. The first one we met up once... I knew him from a club, but we never met up again. The other two were getting the hook up vibe from me and maybe because I was using apps that portrayed the hook up experience. One of them was a little more serious about it / was down to pursue a relationship-- but I didn’t see a connection. I met with them twice and still see him around... Now that I see him around it doesn't feel weird because we were very mature about it.
3. Christopher*
What online dating apps have you tried?
The online dating apps I have tried are Tinder and Grindr. Grindr being mostly for gay men, and obviously everyone knows about the world of Tinder.
What made you want to try online dating?
I’ve never been on a date and I am usually not the person that can go up to someone’s face and introduce myself and start flirting and what not. It would have been very awkward at some point, however, thank the lord for smartphones that makes it easier to find people to talk to online, at least in my opinion. If it weren't for those apps I believe I would have never gone on a date at 21 years of age that I have now.
What has your experience been like?
It varies. There has been many good things and bad things about these apps. I don’t really have nothing to complain about Tinder but Grindr, oh boy! Gay men can be the most judgemental people you could ever encounter sometimes, like let’s be real, I’ve done it myself too. But enough with that horizontal hostility. Horizontal hostility has developed over the years into this modern definition, which means putting down/humiliating/stigmatizing people from your own social group in which you identify. On Grindr, there is so much of this going on. If you don’t have the body like those Calvin Klein models, with that shiny, smooth, muscular body then you probably aren’t as worthy to even “meet up”. There is a very limited amount of guys on that app that ever want something serious like a long term relationship, even those who claim they want a long term relationship can become a serious turn off when they are eager to find out whether you are a top or bottom, like who the heck cares, I feel like when you fall in love that won’t even matter.
I’ve seen a lot of jerks on Grindr which hasn’t been the best experience however it shouldn’t matter to me anymore since I deleted that app. I continue to use Tinder which has matched me with people that have the similar interests and you actually find the people that aren’t using Grindr and are actually looking to meet new friends and go from there.
Did you end up dating someone through the online dating app?
On Grindr, I have “hooked up” with people on that app not worth it, although Tinder has been a little more successful. Tinder does actually work by the way. I actually went on my first official date last week and it was great.
4. M.B
What online dating apps have you tried?
I have tried PoF, Bumble, Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, and Once.
What made you want to try online dating?
Wanted to feel like I was still trying to meet people.
What has your experience been like?
My experience has been quite poor. Not many conversations that led anywhere. Only every now and then.
Did you end up dating someone through the online dating app?
No, I have not.
5. G.V.
What online dating apps have you tried?
Coffee meets Bagel
What made you want to try online dating?
Idk it was something very spontaneous and unexpected. I was on Instagram one day and then coffee meets bagel shows up as a suggestion. I went on google to research about the app. I was convinced and then downloaded it on my phone.
What has your experience been like?
The first guy I met was not a complete stranger because we had a mutual friend but it was very weird. I didn't like how he would refer to me as his "baby momma " plus he also texted me " how would you like to make a baby during spring break?" along with other things so I decided to block him. He was a guy that made me feel uncomfortable and I was so close to deleting the app because of him but I didn't. After him, I talked to another guy but he was always busy so he never went on the app. Then I met this other guy and he turned out to be fine. He's really nice and I enjoy the conversations I have with him. We ended up exchanging numbers.
Did you end up dating someone through the online dating app?
No, I haven't. I mean I'm still texting the last guy I met on Coffee meets bagel (CMB) but we haven't met in person
What did I learn?
After Interviewing a few of my college friends I decided to interview a few parents. I thought that parents would be open to the idea of their child dating online but I was clearly wrong. All four parents opposed to the idea of their child using online dating apps. They fear that the people behind these apps can lie about their age and identity. They know that sometimes they can be wrong about it and maybe you might meet someone that isn't lying and is actually serious but that's a very low probability. My mother fits in this category of parents who wouldn't want their child using online dating apps. So even if I felt like trying online dating I'm sure my mother would disapprove and chances are I wouldn't even get to meet the guy behind the screen. This week I learned that online dating is different for everyone and not everyone's experience portrays others. So if any of y'all will still want to join the online experience- well have fun and just don't let your parents know but be careful. and good luck finding your other half.
